Thursday, October 02, 2008

The New Me

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," rectifying dissatisfaction with deities since 2005! If your pantheon isn't performing, our operators are standing by to take your call.

My legions and legions of readers might recall that I went to the hospital four weeks ago and got a total hip replacement. Yes, this is what it looks like, only my titanium rod is a little longer and sharper.

I'm bouncing back now, so much so that there's time for a little reflection.

Here's the reflection: When I'm cremated, what happens to the titanium in my hip? I can't imagine that crematoriums work at temperatures high enough to melt titanium.

I guess I have a few years to ponder what I'll suggest my descendants do with that metal spike. Maybe someone in my family will go to Mars and leave it there. Can't imagine they'll want it sitting around on the mantelpiece. "Look, there's dear Mama's hip. May she have found the Summerlands."

I'm open to creative ideas here. Help me out!


Anne said...

Art, I think. Defiinitely art. Specify in the will a NICE amount of money to whomever is willing to take the spike, make it into art, and drag it to all the family reunions.


It's nice to know that people will still be talking about you!

(Here's to your health and comfort, by the way, and may the spike be yours for Quite Some Time.)

sageweb said...

WOW I never thought of that. MAybe a nice candle holder.

yellowdoggranny said...

if you have to have another hip replacement they can take both of them and cross them like swords over the fireplace...kind of like old lady weopons of mass destruction..
just saying..

Evn said...

Take it to a Star Trek convention and market it as a Klingon objet d'art.

Anonymous said...

titanium is an expensive metal, take it to the scrapyard and see what it's worth.

Alex Pendragon said...

Couldn't a titanium hip be considered an "organ" for donation purposes? They DO transplant segments of bone into two birds with one stone (aside from yourself, that is) and have your hip donated to someone without insurance, and consider that the ultimate act of recycling! Yes, I am certain a hip can be refurbished if need be.

Either that or have it melted down for razorblades for a person suffering with that "wolfman" syndrome.....

Anonymous said...

Working pacemarkers can not be transplanted into people (however they can be transplanted into dogs,) so it might be the same deal with joint replacements. Something about it not being sterile (if I remember correctly.)

You could have it melted down and made into jewelry. I'd wear it.


Anne Johnson said...

My physical therapist said with a straight face, "They recycle those. You probably got a used one." For a split second I believed him -- or was just astonished. He totally cracked up! Made fun of me the rest of the afternoon.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I don't care about your hip. Can I have your twat??

Aquila ka Hecate said...

I'm watching the answers (except that last one) closely, for advice as to what to do with my titanium molar roots.
The dentist told me straight faced that they'll outlast me, probably for thoudands of years. He's a Christian-I wonder how he can say that?
Terri in Joburg

democommie said...

anne johnson:

I'm writing the screenplay, as I type.

Scene 1:

The spacecraft settles slowly on to the martian plane. Out of the open hatch a figure descends to the planet's surface and removing an 'artifact' from a pouch on his EVO suit (that's the right term, right?) he places it, with solemn reverence on a big ass flat topped boulder that looks like an altar--as "Thus Spake Zarathu... Whaddayamean "it's been done"?

KrisMrsBBradley said...

I've got a metal rod in my back (with assorted odds and ends of wiring and bolts, lol). I've had it since I was 12, and yet I never wondered what would happen if I was cremated. I am now!

Great blog!

democommie said...

anne johnson:

You should told 'em you wanted a "green" hip, made out of all natural materials.