It's Friday night of Samhain weekend, and I wish I was up to more shenanigans ... but we're not getting any younger here at The Gods Are Bored.
[Knocking at door]
Oh! I know Who that is. It's Loki, checking in. Wait until he sees my new non-white easy chair! Let's give Him a warm, wonderful Gods Are Bored welcome, shall we?
[Anne opens door.]
Anne: That's not how it works! You say "trick or treat."
Loki: I don't need a treat. Hey! Nice new chair! How about if I ...
Anne: Your Craziness, please. I have literally only had it three days!
Loki: Ah, I'm late to the party! You know what that chair needs? A little bit of magenta spray paint and a handful of parrot feathers.
Anne: So noted. No, really. I'll take care of it myself.
Loki: See that you do! But this time you called Me. What's up?
Anne: Just thanking You for Your advice to kick it in the broom closet. There's a brand new Christian club at my school called Sacred Outhouse, and ...
Loki: Sacred Outhouse? That's lit.
Anne: No, that's not the real name of the club, of course ... but it's close enough. The "Sacred" and the "Out" part are absolutely correct. Gods damn that Supreme Court! They flung wide the gates to this sort of rubbish.
Loki: So, what goes on at Sacred Outhouse?
Anne: Damn if I know! But a lot, and I mean a lot, of kids have signed on. Now they're wearing matching hoodies with a Crusader shield and a crucifix on the back.
Anne: Tell me about it! And what's worse is that this Bible-based club has leeched all the membership from my colleague Anna's club, Students Against Destructive Decisions. Anna lost her club stipend. And SADD is non-denominational.
Loki: Yeah, I can see that these two clubs aren't very compatible. Being a Christian is a destructive decision nine times out of ten.
Anne: I have a handful of student members of Sacred Outhouse in my homeroom. How long before they notice that I don't say "Under God" during the Pledge?
Loki: You didn't follow through with your plan to say, "One nation under Gods, Ancestors, and Nature Spirits," did you?
Anne: No. And again, my dear Trickster, thanks for the warning that I shouldn't! But it still burns me up that this Sacred Outhouse dodge is at my school right this minute, on the Friday before Samhain, having a "fall festival" fundraiser!
Loki: Ouch again. They just can't lay off Halloween, can they?
Anne: 39 other Fridays they could have scheduled their field day. Know what I mean?
Loki: Meanwhile you're being extra careful to keep your beliefs to yourself.
Anne: Right. And suppose I'm not the only Pagan in the building?
Loki: You're not. Trust Me.
Anne: What about the other Pagans?
Loki: My advice? Broom closet. Shit getting ready to pop in your country.
Anne: And what makes it worse? The club advisor for Sacred Outhouse is one of the union members that I rep. If she gets in trouble, I'll have to go in and hold her hand.
Loki: Meh. Throw her to the wolves.
Anne: I couldn't do that, Your Wiliness. See, Christians are Christians first and workers second. Me, I'm a worker first and a Pagan second. Workers can't be divided by anything.
Loki: And I see that court of yours has another case on the docket this year ...
Anne: Yep! Big Business vs. the Teamsters. And I know how that will go.
Loki: Me too. Well, My advice hasn't changed. Lay low. Bide your time. I can draw up some numbers on falling participation in Christianity if you'd like.
Anne: Really? You would do that for me?
Loki: Mmmm, no. BORING! Is it Mischief Night yet?
Loki: An appropriate day for Mischief Night. [rifling through cabinets] Wow, no magenta spray paint, Anne? I'm disappointed in you! Wait. What's this gold spray paint???
Anne: NO NOT THAT, THAT'S MY MUMMERS SHOE PAINT! Come back here! NO! NOT ON THE CAT! For the love of fruit flies, Loki!
Friends, I need to fly off and find a shiny thing to distract Loki before he turns Gamma Cat into an honorary Mummer. Whew. Such a chore for a tired teacher!