My goodness, have we ever strayed from our Mission Statement here at The Gods Are Bored! How long has it been since a deity sat for an interview? Can't even recall the last time. Thankfully, Imbolc is upon us, and Queen Brighid the Bright has settled in by the fire with a piping hot cup of Irish breakfast tea. Please give a warm and wonderful "Gods Are Bored" welcome to the Goddess Brighid the Bright!
Anne: How's the tea, great Goddess?
Queen Brighid the Bright: First rate! Your firewood is not well seasoned, though.
Anne: Our first shipment was so well-seasoned that we burnt through it all. Now we're stuck with this smoky stuff that sizzles and leaves creosote in our chimney.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Well, we can't have that, now can we? (Blows on the fire, and it leaps with purple flame.)
Anne: Snap! Thank you!
Queen Brighid the Bright: Anne. Anne! What's this?
Anne: Emmm .... the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle? (hides her head)
Queen Brighid the Bright: Well! I'm not inclined to scold you, Anne, but what the hell?
Anne: It's a pandemic, Goddess. I'm basically in quarantine. So I sit around here and cross stitch and do the Sunday crossword puzzle.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Like a geezer.
Anne: Oh, you cut me to the quick! Don't think I don't know that these stodgy hobbies are pathetic. But take it from me, they beat Twitter.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Twitter? You mean the sound birds make?
Anne: Close enough. But fear not, dear Goddess. I have enrolled in an online course called "Navigating Tower Time". I'm going to start it tomorrow.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Well, see that you do! We don't want to get lax in our spiritual path, do we?
Anne: It's hard not to get lax in everything when I'm pent up at home, day after day, week after week, month after month.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Chin up, Anne! Imbolc is here, the lambs are being born, it's halfway to equinox, and my goodness! Your larder is bulging.
Anne: Pandemic supplies.
Queen Brighid the Bright: What are these six bottles of Clorox all in a row?
Anne: Five mistakes based on a shortage.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Four dozen rolls of toilet paper?
Anne: We ordered it in bulk from Amazon.
Queen Brighid the Bright: How are Amazons to work with? I should imagine they drive a hard bargain. I've never met one.
Anne: They're ruthless, and they dominate the landscape. Great Goddess, will you listen to a petition?
Queen Brighid the Bright: Of course! I'm not as bored as I used to be, but I still grant petitions! What can I help you with, Anne?
Anne: Place your gentle hand on my daughters.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Done. Anything else?
Anne: Protect me from COVID-19.
Queen Brighid the Bright: Perhaps The Morrigan would do that better. She is crackerjack with corvids.
Anne: COVID-19 is the name of the disease. It doesn't have anything to do with crows.
Queen Brighid the Bright: What a ridiculous name! What happened to descriptive disease names like smallpox and yellow fever?
Anne: Good question. Maybe people would take it more seriously if it was called "drowning on dry land."
Queen Brighid the Bright: Well, whatever it's called, I'll protect you from it. Looks like you've got all kinds of solid Appalachian magic going on already. But I'm always glad to pitch in.
Anne: I imagine you'll be really busy on Imbolc, but if you have a chance, pop in. I have a wonderful smudge stick that my daughter The Fair gave me for Yule. I'm going to purify the whole house.
Queen Brighid the Bright: As well you should. And keep the faith, Anne. Quarantines don't last forever. It only seems that way.
Anne: And how, Goddess. And how.