EXHIBIT A: YOUR NOODLY MASTER
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We'll help you plan your escape route from the Palin Menace! Step one: Stockpile ramen noodles. You'll have a lightweight food for quick getaway, and you'll earn the protection of the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
EXHIBIT B: SETH
About five years ago, my daughter The Heir asked this man, a friend named Seth, to tell her the weirdest band of all time. Without hesitation he answered, "The Residents." The Heir promptly went out and began to stockpile CDs and DVDs from this band, which makes Frank Zappa look like Lawrence Welk. Calling The Residents a band even stretches the concept of "band" as far as it will go, since none of them can sing or play the instruments they use, other than to make lots of noise.
EXHIBIT C: THE RESIDENTS
I took great solace in hearing that The Residents had been around since the 1960s. So it was not likely that they would go on tour and give shows anymore.
Tonight, The Heir, Seth, and I are going to a Residents concert. All Residents material is themed. This one is called "Bunny Boy." The Heir is so excited she can hardly see straight. I asked Seth (who is not a geezer) if he didn't think the audience might be rather long in the tooth. He replied, "No, what I think you're gonna see are a lot of people who rarely leave their basements."
Actually there is some joy in this. The Heir has only been home for one night since she left for college on August 23. So it will be wonderful to see her, and to watch her enjoy her favorite ... band ... term used loosely. And the beauty of the theater is that it has an upstairs, open only to adults, where I can sit and put my hands discreetly over my ears (when I'm not drinking). No way I could stand through a concert just now, but sitting will be okay.
If you have a favorite extremely weird band, please post a comment. The Heir has her own radio show at her college, and she devotes it entirely to the weirdest music she can find. So dig into your archives and give me some names. We are already aware of Niko, Klaus Nomi, Devo, Talking Heads, Les Claypool, and the Butthole Surfers.
I'm not even taking my faeries to this concert. Oh well, maybe Puck. This sounds like the kind of thing Puck will love. He's bad to the wing.