Bargain Deity

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," trash-picking bargain deities from the discarded waste of cultures long ago! Finally, finally, we've come to the core of Pagan Values Month to offer you the cheapest deity on the market! Bidding starts now.

This bargain deity is named Moloch. Not only is He bored, He's roundly despised by anyone who actually knows a little bit about Him. And it depends on who you believe as to how bad He is. He might just have been some ancient king, He might be a benevolent Father God, or He might be an insatiable furnace baby-eater, as depicted in the Old Testament.

I was hesitant to invite Moloch over for an interview, even though we at "The Gods Are Bored" haven't had a good deity interview in ages. It seemed prudent to me to converse with Him through prayer, telephone, or Internet.

This caution angered Moloch, but since no one has said a kind word about him for thousands of years, he started a fire in my neighbor's house, not mine. Still, he made it look like my fault, because the neighbor and I were outside gabbing, and she forgot she had something on the stove.

Come to think of it, I'll bet anything that Moloch is behind the malfunction in my electric stove. You know these modern devices. All computerized. One of the burners won't turn off. It just stays on "high," all glowing red, all the time. I had to trip the circuit breaker. Until we can get it fixed, I'll have to turn on the breaker every time I cook, and off again afterwards.

So, reader, I give you Moloch, bored god of something or other, at a 75 percent discount off his already low price. He's a good value, but buyer beware.