Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bargain Deity

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," trash-picking bargain deities from the discarded waste of cultures long ago! Finally, finally, we've come to the core of Pagan Values Month to offer you the cheapest deity on the market! Bidding starts now.

This bargain deity is named Moloch. Not only is He bored, He's roundly despised by anyone who actually knows a little bit about Him. And it depends on who you believe as to how bad He is. He might just have been some ancient king, He might be a benevolent Father God, or He might be an insatiable furnace baby-eater, as depicted in the Old Testament.

I was hesitant to invite Moloch over for an interview, even though we at "The Gods Are Bored" haven't had a good deity interview in ages. It seemed prudent to me to converse with Him through prayer, telephone, or Internet.

This caution angered Moloch, but since no one has said a kind word about him for thousands of years, he started a fire in my neighbor's house, not mine. Still, he made it look like my fault, because the neighbor and I were outside gabbing, and she forgot she had something on the stove.

Come to think of it, I'll bet anything that Moloch is behind the malfunction in my electric stove. You know these modern devices. All computerized. One of the burners won't turn off. It just stays on "high," all glowing red, all the time. I had to trip the circuit breaker. Until we can get it fixed, I'll have to turn on the breaker every time I cook, and off again afterwards.

So, reader, I give you Moloch, bored god of something or other, at a 75 percent discount off his already low price. He's a good value, but buyer beware.



he was a fine looking god though...im reading a book called the Genesis Secret by Tom Knox...it's an ok book..but I'm learning all kinds of stuff about old pagan religions in the heart of Iraq, Turkey etc.. now i have to google them and see what they are about..might just be some fiction ole knox came up with..

dawtch said...

On the electric stove thingy, can't you just disconnect that burner..? You know, they pull out for cleaning, just take it out, then it won't stay red hot all the time...
just trying to help:)

Anne Johnson said...

I've got a glass top range. The coils are underneath the glass.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I'm in the market for a deeply discounted bored god, so I looked up Moloch in Wikipedia to get his previous ownership records. It said he was also called Baal (figures prominently in the Bible as a god competitor for You Know Who) and was also the Golden Calf the Israelites worshipped while Moses was up the mountain getting the Ten Biggies. Cool!! He's a steal at twice the price! Thanks for featuring him!

Davo said...

Have recently discovered (re-discovered?) another three gods .. well, goddesses, actually - though am not sure whether they're 'bored', these three ancient Greek sisters of Fate, not well known these days but are probably still very busy.

Clotho, who spins the threads of life -
Lachesis, who measures the length -
and Atropos, who decides when to cut it.

dawtch said...

Bummer on the glass top...is it possible to lift the top to remove the coil..?I would think a Google search for "replacing coil (brand/model)" or "disconnect coil (brand/model)" should net you an idea of how to do it...
I just feel bad for you having to trip a breaker every time you want to use the stove :(

Hecate said...

Now there's a smiting god for you. Too much like his cousin yahew for me.