Saturday, June 02, 2007

Birthday Party Run Amok!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," practical parenting for those who are longing to throttle Dr. Laura!

Maybe I shouldn't compare myself favorably to Dr. Laura, because there's mayhem downstairs, total mayhem.

It's The Heir's 18th birthday party.

Damn if they haven't raided the stash of TaB.

Yes, readers, I'm a total failure as The Mother of My Children! At this very moment, tender youngsters are toasting with TaB, tasting TaB for the first time, while my reckless, TaB-addicted daughter looks on!

This is a disaster waiting to happen. One of those sweet, innocent kids down there might develop a TaB habit, start drinking 350 cans every day, and wind up with cancer! Just ask the poor lab rats who were plied with the equivalent of 350 cans of TaB a day, and they'll tell you it's quite easy to injest that much carbonated soft drink.

I hang my head in shame. I'm a disgrace to this community, where all the normal parents allow their kids to drink beer.


Lavanah said...

oh goddess, I am always glad to know of other tab-aholics-I have always felt so alone! But maybe its a New Jersey thing?

Anne Johnson said...

I'm thinkin it's a Southern thang. My daughter The Heir tells tales of liter bottles and 12-packs. Last time I bought a 12-pack was in 2004, in Hagerstown, MD. Haven't seen a 2 liter in 30 years.

Tennessee Jed said...

-where all the normal parents allow their kids to drink beer.

Finding a "normal parent" is harder than finding Tab in two liter bottles around here anyway!

Hecate said...

Many happy returns to the Heir, as lovely and sensible a young woman as I've ever met. May the Goddess bring her many a birthday every bit as happy as this one.

MountainLaurel said...

Isn't Tab kind of hard to find? You should have introduced them to beer or illicit drugs...they're much easier to get. ;-)

Jarred said...

TaB? They still make it? The only reason I've ever heard of the stuff is because my parents used to have some old bottles (you know, from back when soda bottles were long and made out of glass) of it. I had always assumed it went the way of the dinosaur.