Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," navigating between a rock and a hard place and being buffetted by both! Yo, Odysseus! How'd you do it, dawg?
I once saw this tear-jerking Christmas special about a little boy in the ghetto who started feeding a stray cat secretly. His mom said they couldn't have a cat in their apartment. So the kid develops this sweet relationship with the cat, and what do you think happens? Cat gets flattened by a semi.
Then the kid can't cry about it because his mom told him not to feed the cat in the first place.
It's kind of the same thing when your beloved first born wrecks your beloved bumper-sticker-plastered jalopy. Can't take on too hard about the car that's enshrined in your heart, because of course the daughter is enshrined even deeper.
But damn, my dear little car!
This was, I'm sure, the only car I'll ever have that I chose entirely by myself. I got her from a church lady who'd used her solely to commute to work and back (about 12 miles a day). The car was an economy Ford, immaculately maintained, with no deep secrets buried under the hood. Because she was old, she didn't mind liberal embellishment with bumper stickers.
Say what you want about American cars, but I drove my Ford five years with just routine maintenance. Pretty solid for a $3000 investment.
For my own fading memory, I hereby list "Trusty's" bumper sticker collection, because the bored gods know that any replacement auto (chosen with Mr. Johnson's emphatic feedback) will be too classy for such stuff.
Ford 1994 Escort hatchback LX
Interior: gray fabric
Exterior: faded white
Embellishments (i.e. bumper stickers)
Sprawl-Mart: Always Low Wages
The Labor Movement: The People Who Brought You the Weekend
Fourth Amendment to the Constitution (illegal search and seizure)
Tinker Bell: What are YOU looking at? (next to 4th Amendment)
First Amendment to the Constitution (Establishment Clause)
My Karma Ran Over My Dogma
I (heart) Turkey Vultures
It's a Druid Thing
Create the World You Want To See
APL (also Appalachia)
The turkey vulture one had a buzzard inside the heart.
Okay. My daughter's fine, and I'm so happy about that. But can I still mourn my car?
THE MERLIN OF TURKEY VULTURES