Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," fanning interest in downsized deities since 2005! And wow, we've had 6,000 profile views! Enough people to fill a minor league baseball park in the Blue Ridge Mountains!
Such vast popularity brings great responsibilities. And so, I, Anne Johnson, will now continue to bring you helpful advice on keeping your Pagan household free from Christian influences.
Why would I do such a thing? Well dear ones, just remember: Wherever Christianity lurks, so also lurks its dark alter ego, Satanism. If you're following the path of some other praise and worship team, then the Christian devil can't make your kids do bad things. Because Satan's not part of your Pagan package.
Many of the most hidebound Christians mistake all Paganism for "occult" or "Satan worship." Like, so not true!
Which religion is it, exactly, that's drinking human blood and eating human flesh? Mmmmmm hmmmmmm. And that's on the bright side of Christianity! Dearly beloved, don't get me started on the dark side of that faith, the moonlight desecration of gravestones, the slaughter of innocent kittens, the twisting of the peaceful Pentagram to evil ends.
You gotta keep your kids away from that stinkin' bad karma, yo. Word.
So, how do you do it? How do you maintain the faith of the Old Ones through the onslaught?
Here's Annie's first thought on this most crucial topic:
Certain sects of Christianity are giving the whole faith a black eye. You know which ones I'm talking about. The ones that go to the anti-abortion rally on Friday night and the gun convention on Saturday. The ones who support bombing foreign children to bits while demanding cutbacks in social welfare programs for needy Americans. The ones who find it more important to safeguard their 2,000 year old tract than to see to it that American children get modern science educations.
The ones who complain about free breakfasts for poor students because sometimes the students don't eat everything they're given. (Yeah, I got that in an email just yesterday.)
Let's ride this out together, my friends of the Old Religions. Let us seek sanity in this time of trial. So much is at stake.
Oh, doggone it, there I go again. Bad words, very bad: trial and stake. No gentle Druids will be put on trial here and burnt at the stake, right? This is America ... yep ... no one wishes us ill ... emmmm ... not really. I guess.