Friday, August 15, 2008

Anne Scolds Anne

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Reality check on Aisle One, please!

I'm losing my grip on the big, broad, flexible outlook. Going nutso because daughter The Heir is going to college ... 45 miles of grueling freeway from my door.

See? There I go again! I'm driving The Heir crazy.

Just now I told her not to play her musical saw in public, because some serial killer might see her and befriend her and saw her to pieces.

If you have unused sedatives in your medicine cabinet, please send them to me. I'm acting like a kid who's about to be deprived of her blankie.

The Heir is taking a poetry class at college. For the love of fruit flies, if she keeps up that sort of thing, she'll be back under my roof in four years, drinking my TaB Cola and eating all my Hershey bars. So what's the big deal?

There I go again! She might be the next Sylvia Plath ... Ann Sexton ... someone please call the authorities, Anne has lost the few marbles she owned!

Yeah, and I still have daughter The Spare at home. I've been cleaning her room today, while she's out of town. You would too if your kid's room looked like this.

Anne. Get a grip. Stiff upper lip. Pip pip! Hey, Spare! Spare! Are you under there? Come and say farewell to The Heir!


Anonymous said...

Anne Johnson:

A good friend of mine has one child, a son. His son went to Hobart, got a degree in Poli Sci and after spending a couple of years doing unPoli Sci in real life he decided to go back to school. Well, he decided to go in New Jersey instead of New York, because it only cost 4 times as much and he could live near his girlfriend, now fiancee's 'rents (they're very nice, as 'rents go).

So, now he's in New Jersey. He pops the question, she says yes, both mom's cry and start planning wedding weirdities. Last week he says to his dad, "Congratulate me, we're closing on our $400K house week. His dad says, "WTF?". Now, he thinks he may never see his son again--at least here in upstate.

He told me all of this and then said, "Well, isn't the whole purpose of the process to raise them, teach them how to do for themselves and then watch them go away." To which, the manytimes uncle, never a dad, said, "yeah, and if you did it right, once they stop needing you, they still love you."

I'm sure you'll be fine, mom.


Evn said...

If you'd like, I'll have the Heir framed for a crime she didn't commit, which will result in the authorities depositing her on your doorstep scant moments after classes begin.

I mean, we should probably wait until after freshmen orientation, and see how things go. But if, in a couple of weeks, you find yourself still in the grip of Heir withdrawal, I know people. That's all I'm sayin'.

yellowdog granny said...

there there,'ll be just only hurts for the first 6-8 weeks, then she'll come home for a visit and you'll start the process all over again right up until she walks down the aisle and gets married..
hey, no one said being a mother was easy..
plus just think could have kids like inky's step sons...arghghghghghg

Pom said...

My daughter (only child - guess that makes her "sole heir"?) is going into the same grade as your "spare". I dread that moment when she leaves us daily - even when she pisses me off till I can't see straight. Loving our children beyond reason and hoping they like us just half that much.

If not - Evn did say he'd help you out right?

Have a mead on me... Blessings

Hillbilly Fairy said...

yeah, i have a daughter who majored in dance. i had those worries. but now she's a strong woman who not only dances, but teaches city folk how to do pilates and yoga so they can be strong too. AND she's making a living at it! be proud that your daughter has the courage to study something she believes in. how would you feel if she were one of those soul-less, unquestioning types who just went to study business finance or something? and woke up when she was 40 with a mid-life crisis? huh?!?
Now go turn her bedroom into your new study. Voila!

Roxrocks said...

I'm glad I have a Spare too because the next few weeks, I'll need someone to cling to.

Oh Anne, how are we going to get through this sober?