Sunday, April 15, 2007

Step It Up

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," wallowing in post-party bliss! Another year, another teenaged birthday party come and gone!

If you don't have kids, you just cannot imagine how great it feels when the last noisy party guest disappears into the night with a polite "thanks for having me." And I must say that my 13-year-old has very nice friends. Eighteen kids in the house for two-and-a-half hours, and not one stain on the furniture.

Maybe I should write a book on parenting.

Yesterday, while I was bustling around doing party prep, people with more sanity were demonstrating to get politicians moving on the issue of global climate change.

There was no use to demonstrate in New Jersey, because our governor broke every one of his ribs and his leg in an auto accident. He wasn't wearing his seat belt. Just goes to prove that some morons are able to make a lot of money. We already knew that morons get into high office.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" take global climate change very seriously. We're disturbed that one species can overwhelm a great big planet. We're skeptical that the U.S. government will do anything about it. Hey, these are the same guys and gals who are spending our Social Security contributions as fast as they pour in. The U.S. government doesn't believe in tomorrow, let alone global warming.

So what are we here at "The Gods Are Bored" doing to help lower Gaia's fever?

*We give our electric company an extra $7 per month to buy land for windmills. Our guess is that the electric company is using the money as an added bonus to its CEO. But we can dream.

*We've replaced our incandescent light bulbs with those new, spiral, glowy thingys. The new bulbs cost a lot, but if you figure they last longer, it turns out they actually save money. And electricity. It's cool the way they turn on too. You flick the switch, and there's a split second before they light up -- just like your classroom in Middle School!

*We've started using the local laundromat and discovered that it is a religious temple in disguise. More about that in a later post.

*Here's the biggie:
You've heard the phrase, "Great oaks from tiny acorns grow," right? Did you know that spindly, leafy oaks the size of shrubbery from tiny acorns grow too?

Let me put that another way. We at "The Gods Are Bored," recognizing the sacred nature of oaks, have decided not to kill any oak that plants itself on our property. This would be a problem with the neighbors if we didn't go around at the end of the growing season and cut all the little saplings back to ground level. Next year, the oaks sprout again. It's almost like a bonsai principle. You can actually create shrubbery from oak trees.

Okay, so the Garden Club is gonna drive by and hoot in disgust at your odd little plot of land, but hey. Trees absorb carbon dioxide, even if they're iddy biddy.

In conclusion, we advocate allowing growth of oak trees on suburban properties in lieu of shrubbery.

This will not work if your next-door neighbors are the Knights Who Say "Ni."



Livia said...

With a little path running down the middle.

Good ideas all.

BBC said...

"Maybe I should write a book on parenting."

That's the spare isn't it? I hope you put in advice to get them on birth control when they start dating.

I give an extra dollar a month to help others that need help with their electric bills but we don't have the windmill plan, or any other plan or options on our bills here.

PUD does have some upgrade plans for windows and such though.

Interrobang said...

I like the idea of using oak trees as shrubbery. That reminds me, I have to do something about those approximately nine million teeny maple trees that are sprouting in my front flower garden. I'd attempt to save some of them, but a) I'm a renter, and b) there's already a hueueueueuege maple tree, a hueueueueueuege evergreen tree of some sort, and a little stunted ash tree cutting off all the light on the west and north sides of the house, and trees cutting off all the light on the south side of the house (and a house cutting off all the light and 99% of the space on the east side of the house). So I don't think they'd make it...

This was a very funny entry, thanks.