Sunday, April 22, 2007

Anne Rants Till She Pants

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Please buckle your seatbelt. We're about to go 90 miles an hour down a dead-end road. It's National Rant Till You Pant day here at "TGAB."

Today I cancelled my newspaper subscription. I have subscribed to a daily newspaper all my life. (Actually it was my mom who subscribed to the Washington Post. She delighted in Woodward & Bernstein.)

Here's why I let the Philadelphia Inquirer go.

On the front page of the "Comments" section, the paper ran an editorial by Rick Santorum called "A Small Victory for Civilization." In this little essay, ex (by a big margin)-Senator Santorum does the following:

1. Praises himself for a passionate speech he made against abortion while senator, noting that a baby started crying somewhere in the chamber just as he described the poor unborns as crying out for help. (Yeah, like fundie Mom didn't pinch the poor tot.)

2. Disses the Democrats and Judge Ruth Bader Ginsberg for wanting women to be able to have abortions for health reasons not related to mortality of the mother.

3. Says that humans are treated less humanely than puppies.

I quote: "Can you imagine [Democrats'] response if we were talking about banning the euthanizing of puppies by stabbing them with scissors at the base of their skulls and suctioning their brains out? Which one of them would dare oppose such a thing?"

Well, ex-Senator Moron, I know you're a busy man. I also know you have strange attraction to canines. But you have no idea, NO BLOODY (right term, trust me) idea, what goes on in animal shelters. Kittens and puppies are aborted every damned day, whether they're ready to rock on or not. Usually they're viable, or the pregnancy doesn't show.

Being a right-to-lifer through and through, I personally would love to see a nation overrun with unwanted pit bull mixes, pissing their time away in small chain-link cages. Pretty soon just about every citizen would have to build a cage or two in their backyard just to house the puppies that have a right to life.

I'm not violating copyright law by quoting the Master Moron's final paragraph:

"Eleven years ago, a lone baby's cry resonated through the Senate. Today, for the first time in 35 years, the cries of thousands of unborn children were heard by the Supreme Court. Let us hope it is not the last time."

(The sound you hear in the background is buzzards vomiting.)

But that editorial would not be enough for me to cancel a 20-year subscription to a daily. Rick has the right to his opinion, loathsome and poorly-supported as it is.

I turned the page.

Here we have the Philadelphia Inquirer's newest columnist, Michael Smerconish. If you have a hankering to meet and greet this moron, he'll be Imus's replacement tomorrow. (Speaks volumes, doesn't it?)

The title of Smerconish's op-ed is "Society Fails Because Families Do: A Study Shows that Homes Without Both Parents Have a Higher Chance of Being Involved in Violence."

Michael Smerconish backs up his piece with plenty of web sites and statistics, which may be all well and good, if you know your sociology, which I don't.

Readers, what's wrong with the picture in this newspaper today?

p. 4 Rick Santorum: Let's birth all those unwanted children.

p. 5 Michael Smerconish: Single-parent families are the root of all evil.

Who edited this newspaper today? Someone with a split personality?

About this time last year, the Philadelphia newspapers were bought by a Roman Catholic Republican who promised that, as publisher, he would not influence the editorial decisions.

He has. Big time.

Now here's the Duuuuuuuhhhhhhhh.....

Limbaugh have so poisoned the Republican Right against daily newspapers that no one of that political stripe reads them anymore.

When my liberal (and lovable) husband called to cancel the Inquirer this morning, he was put on hold "due to an unusually large volume of calls." He finally got through. Job well done.

Wishing the new publisher/thought policeman of the Philadelphia Inquirer much luck attracting an all new demographic to his product (the same folks who voted overwhelmingly to oust Santorum), I remain,



buddydon said...

good on ye: i am purty shore that a vote with yer wallet is thonly one that ackshly counts innymore.

Athana said...

The only papers any good around where I live are the small town papers you pick up free at the supermarket. All the big papers have been bought out by Big Money. Big Money uses them as tools to promote their own conservative views. Maybe we ought to start sending money to the small papers -- they're still (relatively) free of bias.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

(The sound you hear in the background is buzzards vomiting.)

Thank you, Anne, not only for the beautiful imagery, but for the first laugh all miserable fucking day long. I don't wish vomiting upon the buzzards themselves, but I do understand that it is a natural and innate response to the gruntings and other utterances that issue-forth from Sanctorum's facial anus.

I honestly don't think that there are any real journalists left in this country. I had great hopes for Jack Cafferty (the lone voice of reason, usually, in the wilderness of CNN's republicunt-ass-licking), but since the V-Tech massacre, he's been pushing so hard to arm every single college student on the planet, I'm starting to suspect that he's on Smith & Wesson's board of directors.

Kinda like how Poppy & Bar are going to be on Larry King about their "personal" pursuit of a "cure for cancer" --- that means that Eli Lilly Co. has some new shit to rush through the FDA without proper or even preliminary testing, and that Poppy is going to take credit for this "great discovery," since he's been on the board of directors since the dawn of fucking time.

For anyone who's ever wondered why so many dangerous drugs make it onto the market so easily nowadays, and why the FDA just rubber-stamps anything manufactured by a major pharmaceutical corporation, there's your answer, right there. Soon as they bought the office for Dumbya, he handed the FDA over to Poppy, and Poppy is alllll about the profits, not the cures.

That's why AIDS, hepatitis, VD, diabetes, and breast cancer will never be cured. They're still killing "all the right people."

At any rate, I hope that dear liberal hubby left the subscription department with a very detailed explanation as to WHY y'all were canceling your longstanding subscription.

(P.S. I fucking LOATHE Blogger's word verification, THIRD ATTEMPT!!!)

Morgaine said...

What is wrong with Rick Santorum? Seriously, he's socially or sexually retarded or something. Look at his eyes some time - the train is off the track.

Thank Goddess he's out of the Senate!