Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Imus Be a Moron

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your Bonfire of the Hannitys! We're celebrating our second anniversary this week, mindful of our motto: "so many morons, so little time."

For most of my life I've wondered how they test the IQ of radio announcers -- especially talk jocks. The only thing I can think is that they ask all villages to send their idiots and then do an "American Idol"- type audition. After that, the moronic cream rises to the top, and you get Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Laura, Howard Stern, and Imus.

I've never rooted for a basketball team since my high school won the state championship in 1574. But I must do a bit of coaching here for the Lady Scarlet Knights of Rutgers University.

Ladies: Don Imus (be a moron) called you "nappy-headed hos." Oh gosh, now he has to take a two-week vacation and admit he's a moron ... sometimes.

Ladies, start your litigation.

Unless Mr. Imus (be a moron) can prove that each and every one of you has offered sexual intercourse in return for a cash payment, he has defamed your character(s). That's a litigious offense.

Ka-chiiiiiing! Is anyone else hearing a slot machine empty its innards in a big way?

Okay, some of my ten readers are saying, "Oh no, no one ever gets payouts on moron-speak." Yes, intelligent colleagues, there are occasional moments of justice for the "nappy-headed" amongst us.

My sister-in-law is mixed race. She attended a private school on a scholarship, where she befriended other mixed-race students. One day their school had a holiday while the public schools were still in session. Sis-in-law and her friends went to the mall. They were in the food court. A security guard came and told them to leave. He said the mall wasn't open for teenagers at that hour of the day.

What the security guard didn't say, but which was obvious to a bunch of savvy private school students, was that everyone else there was white and they weren't.

One of the students went home and told her dad. Her dad the attorney.


My sis-in-law walked away with a year's worth of college tuition. That was her share of the settlement in the case of Mixed-Race Students v. Lilywhite Mall, Inc.

So I hope you bright young ladies of Rutgers are weighing your options, because it seems to me that CBS and MSNBC probably have more dough amongst 'em than, say, Lilywhite Mall. Just a hunch.

Anyone called me a ho over the airwaves, that's just what I'd do. Sue him from his faux cowboy boots all the way up to his phony cowboy hat. Then I'd call his village and tell them their idiot was on his way home, parcel post.



Hecate said...

Anyone calls you a ho and I'll put a whammy on them so fast their heads will spin.

Mary Jones said...

Bonfire of the Hannitys

If only... well, a girl can dream, right?

BBC said...

Hi, Ho.


Man, you have to have a sense of humor on this planet if you want to get by. Hugs.

Rosie said...

If the FCC spent more time going after sexist, violent and racist speech than getting their panties in a twist when someone's boobie pops out of their dress or a naughty word is uttered, we'd see some real change. They do pay attention to fines and I think you are right on the money that the wallet is the place to hurt them.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

From your lips to the courts' ears.

Speaking of which, know any good malpractice lawyers?

Interrobang said...

Nice. I like your anecdote about that court case.