Flawless Logic of the Moron Mind

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Think of us as the Route 66 of sanity. Next sanity stop, 90 miles! Better get some sanity before you take on that desert full of morons.

The U.S. Constitution is spelled flawlessly. Or is it? We at "The Gods Are Bored" think our Founding Fathers might have meant to write that citizens should have "the right to bare arms." Because, as you know, in colonial times a woman who bared her arm above the elbow was considered a tramp. Maybe James Madison thought that was unneccesarily rough on young ladies.

But it got written in as the "right to bear arms," and it's stuck there ever since, being interpreted to mean that citizens should be allowed to tote guns around.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" endorse the U.S. Constitution. We look at it kind of like a family. If you accept the uncles you like, you're gonna have to accept the stinky, nasty uncle who gets drunk on Thanksgiving and insults your mama.

So we at "The Gods Are Bored" shake our heads in dismay and say, "yeah, the right to bear arms. It's there."

However, we fall far short of the morons of the Virginia Citizens Defense League, a group lobbying to dismantle Virginia's already notoriously lenient gun laws. The leader of this group, Phillip Van Cleave, was quoted in my morning newspaper, saying that the fatalities at Virginia Tech might have been severely curtailed if more students were carrying concealed weapons.

"Imagine what would happen if the gunman was lining people up and somebody had pulled out a gun and shot him in the head -- this would have been over," Van Cleave said.

Now, folks, this is what we at "The Gods Are Bored" call flawless moron logic. Guns kill people, so let's give out more guns so that less people will get killed.

The journalist H.L. Mencken once said that democracy will never work because it allows stupid people to vote. One thinks of Phillip Van Cleave pulling a lever behind a curtain, and the promise of democracy suddenly fades to black.