Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Rapture Race

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where you're a school kid, and every day's a snow day! Go get your sled, pal, and let's ride!

Rapture is right around the corner, you know. The only question is, which one?

On the one hand, you've got the growing body of ChristiNazis who aren't sure whether they want Jesus or Hitler to return. Then you've got the New Saxons who are still seeking that perfect nation of blonde, blue-eyed purebreds.

Saxons and Christians invading with the idea of turning you into them, or else?

Okay, with apologies to all my gentle goddess readers, there's only one way to fight this invasion. We need to pray for the immediate return of King Arthur.

Remember, in the oldest legends ... errr ... scientific sources about King Arthur, his mortal remains went to Avalon. From there he will return to claim his immortal kingship! I'm not making this up. It's in the literature.

If you forget that part of King Arthur's history, it's okay. Generations of clergymen have tried to pass King Arthur off as either a myth or a living human who died just like the rest of us.

I've got news for you. He will return. If Jesus can do it, then King Arthur can do it too. No one knows better than we at "The Gods Are Bored" that resurrection is part of every god and goddess's playbook. They learn how to do it in school.

A quick recap for those of you waffling between which Rapture you'd prefer (Jesus's or King Arthur's).

Jesus told his followers to go out and make everybody worship him. Jesus advocated nonviolent approaches, but you know how it is. You get a few hundred years in your pocket, and violent and/or coercive conversion tactics seem perfectly acceptable.

On the other hand, King Arthur understood that he would have to find room in his house for folks of many religions and races in order to fight off the invading hordes of Mono-Thinkers. He was all about inclusion. There's no reason to believe he wouldn't hold to that course during his Second Coming.

So, be on the fence no more! Choose the polytheistic, race-uniting King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, and especially his Lady of the Lake! Here's a Rapture we can live with.

King Arthur, please come and rescue your people -- there are so many more now, all living in fear of the death of their freedom. They're of all races and all genders, and they need your defensive prowess and your sensible governing practices.

So, get it on King Arthur, and hurry! The ChristiNazis and the New Saxons want us to burn. Only you can stem the tide.



Tlachtga said...

Best of all, King Arthur was great at kicking Saxon ass.

Alberto Trippe/////// said...

Mrs. Johnsin, (or is it MS. Johnsin i suppose),

I like how all you America-hating flag burining homosexual loving Liberals say you are for free speech and for diversity and then call someone who has devoted his life to serving Him call me a Nazi!

How ironic. You persecute good solid American Christians with your limo Liberal anti-family lawyers from the ACLU and say you are the persecuted.

You perverse everything this country stands for. You hate families and God and the United States of America.

May God have mercy on you when the Rapture comes, but then again who will be laughing then!

Aquila ka Hecate said...

Too late, Alberto. He's already back.

King Arthur, that is.

Terri in Joburg
PS Anne, Pay No Attention to That Weed Behind the Curtain.
He's obviously just dying for some attention. ;)

Yvonne said...

There are several Pagan or quasi-Pagan heroes who are supposed to return, maybe we need all of them!

By the way, you're listed at Pagan blogs - if you feel like linking back, that'd be great.

BBC said...

"Jesus told his followers to go out and make everybody worship him."

I don't agree with that, they made up a lot of things that they claim he said. Besides, that was over 2000 years ago.

Now the cosmic spirit tells me that we are God in evolution. That isn't exactly pagan but it is what I fully believe.

As for any rapture, I contend that humankind can just grow up and say that we can over come that nonsense that they predicted.

Alberto, you are a fool.

Aquila ka Hecate said...

Now the cosmic spirit tells me that we are God in evolution. That isn't exactly pagan but it is what I fully believe.

Funnily enough, bbc, it's what I believe also-and I am fully Pagan.

Welcome to the Newly Realised Deities Club!

Terri in Joburg

Tennessee Jed said...

I just want enough money to live indoors without having to work three low paying jobs to do it. I don't really care who comes back, or don't come back or who goes with them or is left behind. I just want some comfort and joy NOW!

Hecate said...

The once and future king!

BBC said...

I didn't say I wasn't pagan.

Rosie said...

And the really great thing about King Arthur is the question of weinie whacking never came up. Not once. Not so for the early Christian church. They could have gone one way or the other on that question. I honestly don't think the church would have gotten the momentum it needed if the "yoke of circumcision" hadn't been removed as a prerequisite for salvation by 50AD.

Damn. Overly concerned about the dangly bits for 2000 years.

Secret Rapture said...

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