Saturday, February 17, 2007

Fighting Impure Thoughts

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where every road map takes you to Sin City! Or is it Cincinnati? We're terrible with directions.

One of the bloggers in my sidebar is a very bad girl. Every Friday night she posts pornography. It's so graphic I find myself dropping everything and careening off to the gym for an hour of over-pumped stationary biking.

What is this Internet, that people can post detailed photos of goat milk fudge and the recipe too? In my granny's day, such things were kept in locked kitchen cupboards and shared only with the closest of kin.

I'm all for fighting fire with fire.

O ye who fear an addiction to food porn, absolve yourselves! Drink this holy potion, yea verily especially first thing in the morning. In just two or three short weeks, you'll forget you ever tasted goat milk fudge. As for me and my house, we will follow the Tab.

I think this is what they used to cure Pastor Haggard of his little problem.



Interrobang said...

I really wish I hadn't clicked on that link. The very idea of goat's milk fudge is so revolting to me, I can barely express it. All that lactose! My intestines are painting protest signs and making flurries of excited phone calls all over my GI tract as we speak. Eww... I hope I never do taste goat's milk fudge, because I have spent far too much time in hospitals already.

Could I interest you in a recipe for dairy-free chocolate frosting?

Interrobang said...

By the way, tell your robot that I don't own a sofa, so that's considerably less dusting that needs to be done. However, if it's waterproof, I have lots of dishes that need washing. *grin*

Speaking of robots, have you ever seen the Cat Versus Roomba story? I still think that's one of the funniest things I've ever read, on the internet or elsewhere.

Bernulf said...

Anne, that's probably the funniest post I've read all day! You'd probably go nuts and find an endless supply of blogging subjects if you lived where I do - smack between two German bakeries, 100 yards away on either side (the bakeries here have confectionery to die for, along with fresh rolls and loaves of all sorts of bread).

I don't have Tab here, to use as a cure-all ... luckily, there is a Bratwurst stand just a few yards further beyond one of the bakeries :-)

BBC said...

Food porn, that’s funny. I like goodies just as much as the next person and goat fudge sounds interesting. I just don’t eat so much of anything that I have to worry about it bulking me up.

I weighed myself last evening at the senior center where I was at to see the hike presentation and I’m at an okay 160 lbs.

And Tab, yuck. Got any peanut butter goat ice cream? Remember, life is uncertain, eat dessert first. Hell, eat dessert and call it dinner and be done with it.

Anonymous said...

Be warned! BBC is a nasty old troll that hates women.

Rosie said...

Damn, Anne.

My eyes!!! They BURN.

Quick...I think you can substitute TaB for Coke in the Chocolate Coca-Cola Cake Recipe. I'm not sure, but I think the 2 cups of sugar, mini-marshmallows and entire package of powdered sugar may successfully exorcise the evil in the TaB. You may need to stand on one leg and shout "Caw! Caw!" under the light of the full moon while creaming your eggs and butter...but it might just work.

So sorry to have squicked you out, Interrobang. The majority of milk intolerance cases can actually tolerate goat's milk, since in most of those cases cow's milk is the culprit. Goat's milk has traditionally been used as a substitute by those with milk intolerance because of its low lactose levels. Of course, it depends on the nature of your intolerance. I'm guessing since you mention hospitalization that your problem is secondary to something like celiac disease or crohn's. In which case, avoiding all dairy is the wisest course.

Interrobang said...

Actually, why they recommend goat's milk to people with milk allergies is that it doesn't contain the same protein as cow's milk. It contains slightly less lactose, but "slightly less" is still too much, in my case, since I have symptoms from swallowing pills bound with lactose. That's the intolerance part; the allergy part which I also have is to the protein.

I don't have Crohn's or celiac (why an inability to digest wheat proteins would have anything to do with dairy is beyond me), just an extremely severe reaction that sometimes causes breathing difficulty. It hasn't caused me to be hospitalised yet, but I'm expecting anaphalaxis one of these times...

Yes, I avoid dairy like the plague, but people keep accidentally exposing me, mostly because they're idiots or they think I'm making stuff up. Since I can't rationally cook 100% of what I eat, there's always a modicum of risk, unless what I'm eating is "known safe."

Hecate said...

Dear Anne,

Could you please emai me at hecate demetersdatter at hotmail dot com/

Son, D=i=L, G/Son, and I are going to rent a cabin in Berkeley Springs in March for my b/day and some major family time. I'd love to get recommendations from you as to where to get massages, where to eat, etc. When we've gone before, we've stayed at Coolfont, which is closed for reconstruction.

Tennessee Jed said...

I always accuse my dog of looking at me when I eat as if he is watching porn of some kind. I thank you for pointing to that blog. I wonder if one can make butter from goat milk as well?

Rosie said...

Hi Jed,

Yes, you can make butter with goat's milk, but you need a cream separator.

I've been quietly reading your blog for a while and always enjoy it.