Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Flawless Logic of the Moron Mind

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Think of us as the Route 66 of sanity. Next sanity stop, 90 miles! Better get some sanity before you take on that desert full of morons.

The U.S. Constitution is spelled flawlessly. Or is it? We at "The Gods Are Bored" think our Founding Fathers might have meant to write that citizens should have "the right to bare arms." Because, as you know, in colonial times a woman who bared her arm above the elbow was considered a tramp. Maybe James Madison thought that was unneccesarily rough on young ladies.

But it got written in as the "right to bear arms," and it's stuck there ever since, being interpreted to mean that citizens should be allowed to tote guns around.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" endorse the U.S. Constitution. We look at it kind of like a family. If you accept the uncles you like, you're gonna have to accept the stinky, nasty uncle who gets drunk on Thanksgiving and insults your mama.

So we at "The Gods Are Bored" shake our heads in dismay and say, "yeah, the right to bear arms. It's there."

However, we fall far short of the morons of the Virginia Citizens Defense League, a group lobbying to dismantle Virginia's already notoriously lenient gun laws. The leader of this group, Phillip Van Cleave, was quoted in my morning newspaper, saying that the fatalities at Virginia Tech might have been severely curtailed if more students were carrying concealed weapons.

"Imagine what would happen if the gunman was lining people up and somebody had pulled out a gun and shot him in the head -- this would have been over," Van Cleave said.

Now, folks, this is what we at "The Gods Are Bored" call flawless moron logic. Guns kill people, so let's give out more guns so that less people will get killed.

The journalist H.L. Mencken once said that democracy will never work because it allows stupid people to vote. One thinks of Phillip Van Cleave pulling a lever behind a curtain, and the promise of democracy suddenly fades to black.

4 comments:

Chas S. Clifton said...

Helen Reynolds, the blogging forensic psychologist whom I hope you will not consider to be a "moron," raises a question that needs to be asked more often:

Why do the so-called experts always want us to be passive in the face of danger?

That question underlies the gun debate, much of the time.

BBC said...

"Better get some sanity before you take on that desert full of morons."

Don't you mean monkeys?

"I can personally think of several times I would have used a gun if I'd had one handy. Needlessly. I used my head instead."

I don't think that you should always depend on your head to get you out of things. That could fail you someday because others are not of your head.

buddydon said...

heres sum thangs i always thank bout guns n perteckshun. gun owners are three times as lackly to die of a gunshot wound. guns caint perteck nobidy agin suicide. acksidents that happen with guns are much deadlier than acksidents that happen with knives, baseball bats or other thangs that kin kill ye.

but tiz clear that the secunt amendment sez we gut the rite to have a bunch of well-regulated militias of one (kindly lack that army of one thang), witch them that wonts to own guns is all parts of well-regulated militias ...

so tiz a choice fer each persun to make fer his or herself.

ifn yer wundern, i wuz quotin bits of the ackshull amendment:

"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

Philip Van Cleave said...

I stumbled over this site. Wow - I had no idea I was such a villain! As well as uneducated and a danger to our Democracy by just voting!

I happen to trust college students who have concealed carry permits. We are talking about the most law-abiding group of people there is. And we are talking about adults 21 and older being able to carry to defend their lives on campus just like they can everywhere else in the state.

Do you think life so cheap and unimportant that it is not worth defending? Or that it is worth defending in some places, like in the home, but not worth defending in others, like at a university?

I believe that innocent life is valuable and should be able to be protected 24/7/365.