Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Dueling Banjos in Pentagrams

It is time to say
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!"
Pantheons R Us!

Okay, tomorrow night is haiku at Pizza and Poetry. I've gotta practice. As you can see from the above, I've really got to practice.

I wrote this one yesterday before checking my comments section:

My people floated.
They were apples on the flood.
I bob in their wake.

(If I have the syllables wrong, would someone set me straight? I don't want to make a putz of myself in front of a bunch of poets.)

The reason I mention my comments section is because therein I have heard from a writer and scholar who has been very influential in my intellectual development.

Oh, for the love of fruit flies! That's sounds so pretentious I'm about to gag.

I heard from a writer. I like his book so much I keep it on my night stand. It's been there at least five years and is so slathered in highlighter the pages glow in the dark.

The writer is Rodger Cunningham, and his book is Apples on the Flood: The Southern Mountain Experience. Knoxville: University of Tennessee Press, 1987.

Gosh, I looked that date up on the copyright page! Now celebrating its 20th year!

Apples on the Flood is about several things. It is a deep book. It's about the origins of the Scotch-Irish people who settled the southern Appalachians. It's about how those people have been perceived by the wider American community, and how that perception by outsiders has influenced the culture within the mountains.

And more stuff like that. Don't dive in if you don't know how to swim. As I say, it's deep.

The final chapter is called "The Region of Merlin." Yep, you won't see a John Grisham novel at my bedside!

About 300 years ago, Professor Cunningham and I shared some correspondence about his book, because I glean from his thesis some similarities between Appalachians and Pagans. Both groups labor under misperceptions by so-called "civilized society" that are better explained by the behavior of members of the "civilized society."

Okay, it's complicated. And my brain can't wrap around things like it used to. So I'll just say this for now:

Behind Door Number One you've got a dirty, toothless hillbilly, living in a shack and married to his cousin, father to a bunch of murderous halfwits. Don't believe me? Read Deliverance.

Behind Door Number Two you've got a black-hooded, sinister, tattooed Pagan, slaughtering kittens in pentagrams and worshipping Satan in rooms with the walls painted black, where he also dabbles in black magic and drugs. Don't believe me? Listen to Focus on the Family.

I believe I discussed this with Professor Cunningham. (Hey, it was a long time ago ... at the time I had a pet T. Rex named Bongo.) He was interested in the connection I'd made with what's left of my fried brain.

And now, with his permission, I'd like to tune up my banjo and riff on how we Pagans need to understand the apple on the flood dynamic and apply it to save our lives and our religions.

He can email me through my profile. And so can you, if you want to. Our operators are standing by to take your call.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

YOYOYOYO hi MOMMY wassup so right now i am doing nothing and i was bored so i decied to see you blog its pretty cool but lets put some more stuff about me hehehehe just kidding but not really hahahaha SOOOOOOOO,,,,,, i am the spaire right wat eve but just as long as i am not the spare child cause i would be all like no you didnt and you'd be all like yes i did and i'd all like well then and you all indeed and i'd be like what ever pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!now i am said because my freidn wont anwser the phone hold on let me try agian............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... noooooooooooo he didnt answer gosh darnet for the love of fruit flys or for the love of gorege washington brothers mothers dead grandmothers sisters daughter cousins dogs cat wow thats a mouthfull!!!!! arent i so beautiful yeah you know it!!!!!! bye
Love the spaire
OLIVIA

Tennessee Jed said...

Behind Door Number Two you've got a black-hooded, sinister, tattooed Pagan, slaughtering kittens in pentagrams and worshipping Satan in rooms with the walls painted black, where he also dabbles in black magic and drugs. Don't believe me? Listen to Focus on the Family.

Made milk come out my nose, but wait I ain't drinking milk!

btw hi spare-Olivia

Anne Johnson said...

LOLOLOL! Readers, I welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" my daughter, The Spare. And what you see is what you get. Must have been a slow night on Facebook or something.

Yes, beautiful. No, not a spare as in whatever. Now, reader, don't you wish you had that much joie de vivre?

Angela said...

I'm so going to read that book!

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Anne, darlin' heart, could we figure out a way to milk the energy, joie de vivre, and general OOMPH out of their young, sweet-smelling noggin's and sell it? My nieces are useless, either working too much or going to LSU and drinking too much, but I've got a great-niece and great-nephew who could power a small southern town's electrical needs, if we could just latch 'em to a treadmill.

There has GOT to be a way to sap the energy from their bouncy little selves and re-energize our aging husks... If we ever find it, we'll be richer than Bill Gates!