Saturday, November 22, 2008

Interview with a Bored Goddess ... about Feet!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where downsized deities dig in during Depressions! Yes, there are many wonderful gods and goddesses in need of praise and worship stimulus packages. Do your part!

It's been ages since we had a guest speaker here at "The Gods Are Bored." But today I have a perplexing problem, and so I sought a helpful Goddess for advice. This Goddess is not only bored but pissed off as well, so be kind to Her. Let's give a warm, wonderful "Gods Are Bored" welcome to "Fair Ankled" Nike, Ancient Greek Goddess of Victory!

Anne: And it's not a coincidence about your name being on those overpriced sneakers made with slave labor, is it?

Nike: No! Damn profiteers! They stole My name, stuck it on an athletic shoe, and all they do is exploit! Oh, don't get me started... *gnashes teeth*

Anne: Given the sorry history of that product, You should really be glad, O Goddess of Victory, that so few people know where the name came from.

Nike: Yes, but recall that I'm a member of the Greek pantheon, and we Greek Goddesses like to be lavishly praised and worshipped. So I would like some airtime. For instance, would it have hurt Michael Jordan just once to have said, "I owe this championship to Nike?"

Anne: He sure did his part to peddle ... the shoes.

Nike: Wait till he gets to Hades. We'll see who the victor is then!

Anne: Emmmm. Let's move along. Great Goddess Nike, I've asked you here today because I have a rather unusual problem.

Nike: You're not victorious enough, I guess, and you'd like me to change that?

Anne: No, that's okay. When you get to my age, the definition of victory widens considerably. Like, if I get to the Vo-Tech on time in the morning, that's a victory. If the computer works, that's a victory. No, actually I want to ask you about my daughter The Spare.

Nike: Oh, she's a cutie!

Anne: Yes, and a goddess in her own mind, trust me. But Nike, The Spare has a problem. She keeps hurting her feet! I mean, little bumps and bruises and cuts and warts and such usually get spread out all over the body. But every one of The Spare's injuries, great and small, have occurred to her feet.

Nike: Very odd. Examples?

Anne: Well, she had an ingrown Plantar wart that required painful surgery. She got her foot stuck in the spokes of a bicycle wheel -- emergency room for X-rays. She stepped on broken glass. Antibiotics. She got a sore that wouldn't heal. More antibiotics. And last night, at the homecoming dance, someone trampled her with a stiletto high heel. She had to come home early. Which was like death to her, believe you me. What can I do to keep her feet safely stuck to her legs?

Nike: This is a no-brainer, Anne. As one of the many bored Goddesses who regularly follows your blog (and thus tags along as you go through life), I have noticed that your daughter The Spare doesn't like to wear socks.

Anne: Yes, she is often a sockless wonder. Today I forced her into a pair, because it's 20 degrees outside.

Nike: She needs to wear socks. And not just any socks. Magical socks.

Anne: I don't know where to buy Magical socks. And if you say Wal-Mart, I'll opt for the continuance of the foot injuries ... and so will she.

Nike: No! Any socks will do. You buy them, I will infuse them with Magic. Oooopa! End of problem!

Anne: You would do that for me, O Great Goddess Nike?

Nike: Of course! It has not passed my notice that you have never purchased a pair of Nike shoes, even when they were a bargain and you sorely needed athletic footwear.

Anne: I don't think I've ever seen a bargain pair of Nikes, but you're right, I do not purchase anything that has a swoosh on it, even from the thrift store.

Nike: Go get the girl some comfy socks, and I'll do the rest.

Anne: It's on days like this when my job here is so rewarding. Goddess-speed to you, Nike the Victorious! And please take a fresh bagel with you on your way back to Olympus!


Celestite said...

That was great. Thank you.

Thalia Took said...

Well, one thing I'll say for the sneakers is that it has taught everyone to pronounce Her name correctly.

I should have a talk with Nike myself. I've tried to draw Her like three times now, and I'm never happy with it. I think it's because I am seriously ambivalent about the concept of victory, since I am seriously troubled by things like competition, and battles, and the idea of winners and losers in general. I can't even really get my head around it metaphorically or within oneself, like, say, triumphing over something like bad health or say, Nike being on Barack Obama's side, that kind of thing. I think I have a disagreement with it on a fundamental level; what it's built on isn't working for me. Every time I draw Her (and I keep trying, since She's associated with Athena) the expression on Her face, which I meant to be well, triumphant, just looks kinda meh.

Hmmmm. (Pardon my thinking out loud here. My musing, I suppose.)

yellowdog granny said...

goddess's are so wise.
my friend chuck would say she doesn't like where she is going so that is why she keeps hurting her feet...

BBC said...

Um, okay. I'll just sneak out of here in my ten dollar shoes and cheap socks.

Aquila ka Hecate said...

The Spare isn't a Pisces is she?

Seems almost every Pisces I know has a problem with injuring their feet.

Terri in Joburg

Pom said...


Sic Decibel on me if you must, but I'm about to commit a no-no.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I hate to do this because I loathe hi-jacking threads, but there is a family in need and I'm hoping for suggestions on how to help them... I know you have a largely compassionate group of readers and so I hope you will not mind me doing this.

I'm not asking for a dime from anyone but some suggestions would be great if anyone has any. I have some ideas but am not able to do nearly enough.

If anyone is interested and might be able to offer useful advice, the entry on my own blog is Hiatus Cut Short. There you will find their story.

Again, I'm really sorry to do this. But I will be grateful for anyone's constructive ideas.

sageweb said...

Well I hope the Spare's foot feels better. I have had to had three feet surgeries in the last 3 years. But my feet feel awesome a child I always had bad feet, bone spurs, blisters, broken toes, but now my feet feel good...maybe it is the socks.