Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Worst Bet I Ever Made

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Do you know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run? Then help us out here! Why do we make stupid bets on football games?

Make no mistake about it. Football is a brute sport. So many sports are brutal, when you get right down to it. If you want a touchy-feely competitive sport, you pretty much have to opt for curling or synchronized swimming. Otherwise, someone on an opposing team's gonna want to kick your butt. Or you're gonna risk your neck doing some wacky vault or dive, or running till you keel.

And what does it say about us that we like to sit and watch while padded people pummel each other purposefully? Truthfully I find my addiction to American football to be my biggest failing as a human being.

At least I don't bet on games. Oh well, there was one time when I had to send my cousin in Cleveland a box of Tastykakes because Ohio State beat Michigan. Other than that, I've never been much of a gambler. If I go into a convenience store, it's for a Coke, not a lottery ticket.

But now I'm in over my head. Alas! Fellow blogger Kayak Dave has talked me into a high-stakes wager on tonight's University of Maryland/University of West Virginia football game.

If Maryland wins, I'm safe and secure.

If they lose, I have to say something nice about Bush.

Oh, I must have faith in the fighting Terrapins! Nothing's faster or fiercer than a little, dimond-shelled tortoise, after all!

Strike up the band! It's time for the Maryland State Anthem!

(Some words traditional, some altered by Puck the Faerie)

The despot's heel is on thy shore
Maryland, my Maryland.
He's scorched Iraqis by the score
Maryland, my Maryland.
Avenge the patriotic Gore
Who would have kept us out of war
And show George Bush the exit door
Maryland my Maryland!

1 comment:

buddy don said...

i lack yer vershun of the song!