Today I ... oh my. Do I smell sulphur? Impossible! I'm not at the United Nations! I'm at home, judging the toughest herd of goats I've ever seen for the cheapest price I've ever offered. But there's no denying that odor...
Oooops! There go the foster kittens. They're scattering for the nearest dark corner. That can only mean one thing. Great Satan on the premises. And my goodness, look at him. All done up in his Jabberwock-inspired formal attire.
Anne: Follow my finger, Satan. There's the door. Out.
Applegate: Please don't call me Satan. The name is so freighted with baggage. I prefer...
Anne: I know. "Mr. Applegate." No baggage on that one except a pleasant Broadway play.
Applegate: Exactly.
Anne: Not that I care, but why the scary suit? I know you don't like it.
Applegate: Board of directors meeting at Headquarters.
Anne: Oh, what's the topic? Time for Rapture?
Applegate: I have no idea. That's a closely-guarded secret. Word of Rapture date gets out, you'll find all these non-believers lining up to convert. We in the business call it "insider trading in eternity futures." My guess is the CEO just wants divisional reports.
Anne: While we have you here (and hoping you leave shortly), can you clear up something for me? Yesterday the president of Venezuela called George W. Bush "Satan" and said he could still smell the sulphur from the podium.
Applegate: I heard that speech. I thought the sulphur reference was inspired.
Anne: So, is it true? Is George W. Bush really Satan?
Applegate: Excuse me? What am I, chopped liver? George W. Bush isn't ... me. In fact, if you get right down to it, he has good intentions.
Anne: Get outta here. Good intentions?
Applegate: Well, you know what they say about good intentions.
Anne: The road to Hell is paved with them. So, are we to infer that George W. Bush may sometime find himself playing Cool Hand Luke on some freeway to the River of Fire?
Applegate: I make no predictions on anyone's fate. It's up to our very busy CEO, who hears a great deal of praiseworthy praying on Mr. Bush's behalf.
Anne: So there may be a halo and a harp in Dubya's future?
Applegate: Providing he can shove an extra-fat camel through the eye of a needle.
Anne: You've seen his personal camel?
Applegate: Yep. It's failed Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, L.A. Weight Loss, and Atkins.
Anne: A bit of a portly camel, eh?
Applegate: And getting bigger every day. It's fond of roasted marshmallows. We have bags and bags of them in the satellite office.
Anne: I daresay. One last question. Where were your Four Horsemen last weekend when Michigan was playing Notre Dame? Didn't they used to help the Irish?
Applegate: That's so last century. When last I saw them, the Four Horsemen were trying to teach their mounts the cute tricks they saw performed at Land of Little Horses.
Anne: I suspect they're bored to tears, waiting for Rapture. Sorry, they get no sympathy from me. There are gods and goddesses out there who've taught horses to sing the entire Wagner canon. Don't tell me about boredom.
Applegate: I'd better be going. I don't want to be late for the meeting.
Anne: Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Herald Square. And don't let the door hit your tail on the way out. And don't even think about taking any kittens.
Applegate: See you soon.
Anne: Not a chance. I've got my celestial insurance from another carrier.
3 comments:
Funny and packed with information and current events. What more could the blogosphere ask for. :)Great post.
ROFLMAO!! Anne, you slay me!!
Hello Annie and all,
Am I old enough for you?
Those who come in an unexpected manner (as a thief...) sometimes bring surprises.
Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...
All three Faiths of Abraham spawn violence and hypocrisy
Christians and Jews can smugly lecture and chastise Muslims about violence, because followers of Islam are poorer, more oppressed, and thereby forced to defend themselves in cruder fashion. On the other hand, the rich and powerful nations of the west can fund, train, and equip state of the art militaries and intelligence services to do their bidding, by proxy. Likewise, smooth-talking politicians expertly equivocate about acceptable collateral damage to the homes, and lives of poor people in other lands. With so many dollars spent, why don’t Muslims and others simply shut up and accept being exploited, oppressed, and massacred for such nobly expressed western ideals?
Those in representative democracies tout their governments as extensions of the citizenry. Accordingly, so are the militaries, intelligence services, corporations and other proxies used to expand and maintain the Judeo-Christian Empire. By extension, the citizens of western nations are much more responsible for the actions of criminals, killers, and torturers paid for and authorized by democratic institutions than people who live in less democratic nations who have much less control over the actions of their leaders.
It is undeniable that the Bush administration, its cohorts, and supporters are mostly Christian. Without the blind support of so many Judeo-Christians, the Bush administration would not now be embroiled in the current struggle to retroactively legalize torture, illegal domestic spying, and other crimes. By US law, hiring a proxy to murder or assault someone is still prosecuted as murder and assault. It is undeniable that the militaries and intelligence services of the west that kill and torture at the behest of democratic representatives are hired proxies of Judeo-Christian citizens.
Regardless of attempts to shift blame, history clearly records the widespread crimes of Christianity. Whether we're talking about the abominations of the Inquisition, Crusades, the greed and genocide of colonizers, slavery in the Americas, or the Bush administration's recent deeds and results, Christianity has always spawned great evil.
So, the next time any Christian, Jew, or Muslim, whether president, prime minister, religious leader or follower decides to chastise others for their failings, stop to consider that the logs in your own eyes have blinded you to the full truth about all three faiths of Abraham. Religion has utterly failed to solve humanity's problems because it is a strong delusion that spawns error and evil instead. The sheep's clothing of duplicitous ideals is an obvious deception used to hide the truth. Nonetheless, the veil is readily pierced by discerning the fruits of their deeds. What then is the purpose of "faith" but to keep good people from understanding the truth?
Here is Wisdom...
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