Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you've ever spent 4 hours fighting with a 12-year-old over doing 35 minutes of homework, you've found a friend in me!
Today's topic: The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric.
Today's decision: Dump the entire enterprise into a contractor-sized garbage bag and biff it off to the landfill. Attach a sign that says "BUZZARDS BEWARE."
Let's do a little bullet list, shall we?
1. CBS doctors pictures of Katie, taking her down two dress sizes. I'll bet they never did that to Walter Cronkite.
2. On her first night, Katie breaks the big story: Pictures of Suri Cruise! You gotta be bloody kidding me, right? That's news? In a nation of more than 260 million people, the best we can do in 23 minutes is look at a movie star's baby?
3. Second night, more serious vein. Katie interviews President Bush! Wow! For those of you who missed it, it went something like this:
Katie: Gosh, Mr. President, you sure are handsome and physically fit.
Dubya: Thank you, Ms. Couric. I like to go biking.
Katie: Tell us more about the great job you're doing fighting terror, Mr. President.
Dubya: Am I doing a great job ...??? Oh yeah! I'm doing a great job fighting terror.
Katie: You sure are, Mr. President Sir.
(After all those years of interviewing movie stars for the Today Show, you'd think she'd know enough to ask about his marriage.)
4. Third night, and Final Viewing for Anne: Katie inaugurates a new segment, "Point of View!" Wow! Another new way to fill that humongous 23 minute newscast! CBS turns the microphone over to a well-groomed Rush Limbaugh, who -- to no one's surprise -- impugns the patriotism of anyone who doesn't believe Osama just invaded Poland with six Panzer divisions, 2400 tanks, and 1800 fighter jets.
That's the sound of Anne turning off her television.
Actually, let's edit that.
CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.
That's the sound of Anne switching to the real news, provided by a round-robin of male and female anchorpeople at BBC WORLD NEWS TONIGHT.
If I want political opinion, be it Rush or Kos, I know where to find it. I don't need to hear it in the nightly NEWS.
If I want to support a female anchorwoman, I want her to look real. If she's a size 14, don't bloody crop her into a 10.
If I want to see pictures of Suri Cruise ... well hell. I just don't want to see pictures of Suri Cruise. Gotta fill some time on air? Close your eyes, point at the globe, and chances are there's something newsworthy happening at that place at this moment.
CBS, you were limping when you threw Rush at me. Then you just keeled. It's hard to commit suicide with fistfuls of fluff. But you managed.
THE WIDELY READ MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS