Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Dr. Turnpike; Or, How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love New Jersey

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," truly and honestly produced daily in the state of New Jersey!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry to burst the bubble of all youse who thought I lived in Berkeley Springs. I grew up near Berkeley Springs. Now I live in Jersey.

You gotta problem widdat?

If youse do, getta loada dis:

All youse bloggers from da Left are runnin out ta mail yer letters to yer senators about dis torture crap. And I'm wicha a hunnerd percent. Only I'm up $1.17 because I know sure as Bada Bing that my Jersey senators ain't gonna vote fer dat shit. And my Congressman would run nekked up the Turnpike before he went along widdat.

So we might have our problems here in Jersey, but sure as hell they don't include fedral lawmen wid imperial ambitions.

Now I godda go an close my windows, cuz there was a raw sewage spill in the pond cross the way and it's geddin ripe in here. And I ain't jokin bout dat.



Athana said...

Our lives seem to run on parallel tracks. First our sisters sell out to the mega-churches. Now we share raw sewage. Turns out the guy who sold me his house ran my sewer pipes over three lots to get to the final city sewer hookup (I truly do live Where the Sidewalk Ends). Now a big backhoe has been running over my pipes and my sewer pump suddenly died. Only my pump isn't in my yard, it's in someone else's yard. It gets 20 times more complicated, but you get the picture. Or at least a tiny fraction of it.

Anne Johnson said...

Are you sure you live in Maine? Sounds like Jersey to me.

Hecate said...

Goddess guard you. My senators are Mr. Elizabeth Taylor and G. Felix Allen, Jr. I am completely screwed.