Wednesday, March 15, 2006
God Hates Who?
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We are your full-service polytheism pathway! None of this jumping out of the car to pump your own in sub-zero temperatures. Just wait a second or two, and a bored god will be right on it, and even check your oil!
My computer is Nortoned to the max, because I have two teenagers and don't want them learning how to set up a meth lab or brew mushroom tea, or the ins and outs of swinger clubs, or how to foment bigotry.
So when Athana brought to my attention a site called "God Hates Fags," I had to disable my Norton Parental Control to view it.
Merciful faeries in Sidhe! An underhanded pagan could sure use that fount of hate as a teaching tool!
Here's their logic in a nutcase-shell:
1. God hates fags (they offer about 500 references from Scripture to prove it).
2. Since individual states do not kill gays, God hates those states.
3. Since the states are in America, God hates America.
4. Since God hates America, He's arranged to have soldiers killed in Iraq. Therefore, the hometown funerals of those soldiers is a good place to demonstrate loudly that God Hates Fags.
5. We at "The Gods Are Bored" do not use potty language, so we can't tell you what the folks at "God Hates Fags" call the nice American churches where they go to demonstrate.
I've been thinking about these folks, and you know what that means.
Anne develops her own radical idea!
GOD HATES MORTGAGE BANKERS!
Caution - Holy Scripture Preached Ahead!
(Sorry, I shamelessly plagiarized the entree to "God Hates Fags" for that one.)
"At the end of every seven years you shall grant a release. And this is the manner of the release: every creditor shall release what he has lent to his neighbor; he shall not exact it of his neighbor, his brother, because the Lord's release has been proclaimed."
The word of God for the People of God. Amen.
How long have you been paying your home mortgage, readers? Most of these shameless, God-forsaken, desperate sinner banks make you pay every month for 30 years! And what does it say in the Good Book? After seven years you should be finished! Forgiven your debts!
So! God Hates Bankers! God Hates Mortgage Brokers! God Hates Visa and Mastercard! And if God hates them, then God Hates America!
If you've been paying your mortgage or your high-interest credit cards for more than seven years, STOP RIGHT NOW! You're letting these sinners off easy!
Please join Anne and her friends Milk and Cheese (Dairy Products Gone Bad) in the first major demonstration by GOD HATES MORTGAGE BANKERS!
Meet me at Chase Manhattan Bank Corporate Headquarters. Bring signs! Bring banners! And of course, bring your bullhorns, because we want those shameless sinners to know that God Hates Them, and since God Hates Them, and they're in America, then God Hates America!
Don't be jealous because I came up with this idea before you did.
GOD HATES MORTGAGE BANKERS
"Milk and Cheese: Dairy Products Gone Bad" are the creation of Evan Dorkin. Milk and Cheese comics can be purchased online at Slave Labor Graphics.