Thursday, March 02, 2006

Buzzard Worship for Dummies: The Historical Record

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we promote the interests of those gods and goddesses who got re-districted for the last election so that their votes wouldn't matter! Change those lines, give those bored gods back their franchise!

Today: A Brief History of Buzzard Worship

Buzzard worship can be found in both hemispheres in the historical record.

The ancient Egyptians were perhaps the boldest buzzard-worshippers. Mut, the goddess of mothers and mothering, was a vulture. Her partner, Nekhabed, was charged with protecting the Pharaoh's family. These buzzard goddesses were also considered formidable foes in battle.

Well, who fights harder than a mom whose kids are threatened?

Moving across the wide ocean to South America, the same enlightened praise and worship teams that imbibed hallucinogenic teas also worshipped Urubitsin, a vulture who was credited with bringing sunlight to the world.

If you ask me, a vulture bringing the sunshine is sound Intelligent Design. We should teach it in classrooms.

Perhaps the best known cultures steeped to the gills in buzzard worship are the Native Americans of North America, especially those on the West Coast. The awesome California Condor was worshipped as Waukheon, or "Thunderbird" by many cultural groups, sometimes in tandem with eagles, hawks, and other raptors.

Make no mistake about it, though. The mighty California condor, brought back from the brink of extinction in the 1980s, was a god to some wonderful, thoughtful, hard-working, successful people. Generations and generations of good folks looked to the skies and praised the Thunderbird as a messenger between Mother Earth and Father Sky.

Would you like to send a message to Father Sky? Perhaps you're feeling depressed about the state of the world. Perhaps the constant meaningless warfare has you down, or the startling change in climate, or the threat of being fired if you sign a union card.

Take your troubles to the Thunderbirds! They're bored, they're overlooked, they play an important role in our world, and they're waiting to hear from you!

Our operators are standing by to take your call.

Tomorrow: How buzzards improve your life, whether you know it or not.

Thanks to "God-Checker"
for the list of vulture gods and goddesses


Davo said...

Thunderbirds? Condors? Buzzards, perhaps .. what about us ordinary earth-bound humans?

Athana said...

This is fascinating. I had no idea the worship of carrion birds was so widespread. Are thunderbirds and condors both a type of vulture? I still like your idea, too, that vultures got big with people because they lead people to a quick and easy bite for lunch.