Friday, January 13, 2006

Links, Missing and Otherwise

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We value your patronage. If you're looking for a god, or a goddess, or even a sneaky little faerie that'll hide your Crisco just when you want to make pie crust, you've come to the right watering hole!

Anne, your hostess, is a Woman of a Certain Age.

Virgin? No. Crone? Hell no. But not minted day before yesterday, if you know what I mean.

Take these computers, for example. They have something called links.

Way beyond Anne. She recognizes three kinds of links:

1. The tasty ones you fry for breakfast with your eggs.
2. The ones rich men stroll across with graphite sticks, discussing how they're gonna stick it to the working poor.
3. The so-called Missing Ones that the Intelligent Design people say proves that Darwin was wrong.

Ah, those Missing Links. Can't get from Point A to Point C without one, eh?

Okay, so how does this sound? If you can find one Missing Link, say a fossil mollusk or a teeny tiny horse the size of a cat, does that prove that there may be more Missing Links out there?

On behalf of the bored gods, please welcome to our site Eohippus. This lil' dude (dudette) is one in a well-documented series of fossil horses that just keep getting bigger and horsier all the time, from the dawn of the Age of Mammals to day before yesterday, when Smartie Jones's first baby was born.

This sturdy fella has ancestors and descendants that go up like a staircase, from iddy biddy to Runnin for the Roses.

Trust an old goat judge on this one. Mollusks are a lot more boring.

Eohippus pokes a big hole in the notion that the mare pulling your plow is just a recent grand-daughter of some big, strong horse made by an Intelligent Designer. Why would we find an old, bony jaw that screams "HORSE" but in size says "KITTY CAT?"

Now, your local Commission on the Incorporation of Intelligent Design into Supreme Court Decisions and American Life will just look at cute little Eohippus and say, "Yup. That's a horse. What about Man?" (note gender-specific language)

I have only one response to that. If a Missing Link were to strut up the street, how the hell would we recognize him? Especially if it was a home game football Sunday, and he was checking out the tailgate parties?

This is not a scientific theory by any means, but in my personal opinion, we moderns would probably embarrass our Missing Link ancestors so badly that the M.L.s would cease to breed.

If you doubt me, scroll down and read yesterday's post.


Image found at Illinois State Geological Survey Q&A site.


Nixie B said...

Anne, you are so funny. I love reading your blog!

Arthur said...

My parents accused me of being the missing link once, they accused me of a lot things, I was an alien switched at birth with their son at one point.....ahhh, can't you feel the love. I'll tell inteligent design were they can shove their missing link!