Friday, January 06, 2006

Back to Business: Who the F*** Were You?

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We are not partial here. Any god we get is the god we want. The more bored they are, the faster they hop to and answer your prayers. For a nominal fee, of course. Consider it a tithe.

We almost never use potty words at this site. Jay and Silent Bob we are not.

However, Anne's been working out her girlish figure to her new "As Seen on TV" Who CD, and that song "Who Are You" is one of her faves.

Don't you just dig Roger Daltrey?


I forgot those guys are hard of hearing. No bloody wonder. Ten times through that CD and Anne's gonna be hard of hearing too. But damn. Good stuff that passes the test of time.

Today's topic: Past Lives

Many religions, active and bored, believe in reincarnation. Even some Christians do, if you can believe Civil War re-enactors.

Can you get these guys? They dress up in scratchy wool, stand in the sun in a cow pasture for hours, and pretend to shoot someone. Then they have a few beers and drive home.

Occasionally they go under hypnosis and see themselves in a Past Life, actually out there fighting. Specifically, almost constantly, running into a wall of Yankee lead in Pickett's Charge.

You never hear a Civil War re-enactor say, "I went under hypnosis, and in my Past Life I was a Civil War soldier who died a slow and painful death of scarlet fever before I even got to the front."

For that matter, do you know anyone who's been hypnotized to visit Past Lives who hasn't come back to reality claiming to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt?

Sorry, Roxanne, but if your life is dull as wax paper now, it probably was in Past Lives too.

As a little experiment, I self-hypnotized and came up with the following list of my own Past Lives:

1. Female baby, died in infancy of dysentery.
2. Female baby, died in infancy of dysentery.
3. Female baby, died in infancy of dysentery.
4. Male slave, died of exhaustion building pyramid.

That must have been a whopper, because after that there's 26 more occasions when I succumbed to dysentery in early childhood.

31. Female, 1170 AD, Scotland.

This is cheating, because Cousin Ennis actually saw this one in his Past Life hypnosis. He was a brilliant warrior knight in shining armor, and I was weeping because he was going on Crusade.

Self-hypnotize, looking for this particular life:
31. Female, 1170 AD, Scotland. Malnourished, always cold, chronic case of Pink Eye.

Then we go through another dozen brutish and short lives, always ending prematurely with an infectious disease.

44. Female, unemployed goat judge, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and allergy to poison ivy. Anonymous resident of crowded Blue state with anger management problems, money problems, and Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Hey, I've passed the age of 30 for the first time! Three hots and a cot! It's a Wonderful Life!

I hope I remember it next time around, when medicine is so advanced I won't have to die anymore.



Nixie B said...

Hi Anne

I've been reading your blog for a while but I think this is my first comment.

We did a past life meditation in a class and I was a woman in 18th century Scotland. My husband married me because he wanted my house. Ain't that a bitch? But I didn't die of dysentery - at least not in that life.

And I can't resist - you've been tagged! There is a fun game of blog tag going on. When you get tagged, you have to post your five weirdest habits on your blog (here's mine) and then tag five other people.

Happy New Year!

Anne Johnson said...

Are you really a Nixie? Lucky you! I aspire to be a Nixie!

Anti-Thesis of Reason said...

I was Shirley McClain in a past life. ;-)

Scott said...

Hey, I was told in one of those past life thingys that I have only been on Earth Five times,,, obviously I haven't gotten the hang of it yet.... this place is weird...
What's up with this money shyt?? Don't get it/or any of it????

Scott said...

PS: Of course those Five lives were in Mu, Lemuria, Atlantis, Eygypt and as an ancient Mayan. All other lives Off Planet thank the deities... This place is like a penal colony for wayward rebel aliens you know..... alot of whom fought in the War of Northern Agression...

ellie said...

Since you mentioned Roger Daltrey, I knew him well in many past lives. It was he who got me to believe in reincarnation in the first place. He looked extremely familiar when I saw him in "Tommy".