Monday, December 05, 2005

Can Bored Gods Reform?

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your daily dose of positive, proactive, polytheism! Welcome back, Thunderbirds! Long may you reign!

I am flabbergasted. My sister (the one starring in her mega-church Christmas pageant, rising from a fog machine all clad in gold) actually sent me three vulture feathers for my magic wand! How's them apples? I just knew her interest in Native American flutes would bend her mind.

To other news: A Christian psychic is like Martha Stewart without a glue gun. Like Bob Villa without a hammer. Like Paris Hilton all the time.

The psychic would not take myself and spouse to the haunted house. She said the spirits were too powerful, that I might take one home and it would haunt us.

As if!

Some badass spirit walks into my abode, first thing he sees is an altar to Queen Brighid the Bright, directly behind a protective fairy ball (done up for the holidays), graced with a magic wand oh so recently empowered with Thunderbird feathers. We druids know how to keep these nasty wretches from the Other Side off our backs.

And if none of the above work, fairies are bullish about being the only ones able to mess with a house.

Today, though, a question. The psychic said she was visited by an Ancient One named Seth. After consulting my third-grade Bible and the incomparable Godchecker ( I identify this entity as one of two possible candidates:

1. Set, a truly whopper of a badass from the ancient Egyptian pantheon, universally detested in their heaven and among the people and sacred kitty cats.

2. Seth, the third son of Adam and Eve. Genesis 4.

The psychic said that "Seth" told her he'd once been a badass, but now he's reformed, he's working for The Light. By which I guess she means Father Yahweh and his Intelligent Design for the Universe.

I've seen some tough characters reform so thoroughly that they became completely boring. But can gods reform? Especially one who still has a praise and worship team, Satanic in nature?

I strongly cautioned the psychic to watch her step with "Seth." Unless, of course, he's really the progeny of Adam and Eve, in which case he's her sainted ancestor.

I am interested in your opinion on this. Can gods reform? Can they take honest assessment of their past behavior and promptly join a celestial Twelve-Step program?

You could make a case that Yahweh did it as Jesus. I've hardly ever seen a father and son more different, unless the son was adopted.

Sorry for the big build-up yesterday. I was totally prepared for that haunted house, with two Civil War ancestors and one Underground Railroad ancestor at my back. I think the Underground Railroad guy was the most disappointed, because the psychic said she thinks the spirits were slave traders.

Hope she'll invite us to try another time. I'd love to see my Pennsylvania ancestor lay a butt-kicking on some lowlife trash spirits who are bursting light bulbs in an old lady's house.



Scott said...

I was recently floored by my sister who ''returned to the Lawd!!'' of course mom is happy now,, only me left to fight the crusading hordes,,, sole pagan left.
I told my sister that she had better not offer me any tracks about salvation,, or I would spin her head on backwards,, telling her how much I loved HER!!,, at least she went Methodist this time: her path so far: not knocking it,, just timeline: Southern Baptist Born again, Catholic, Muslim, pagan dabbler, now METHODIST!! Got the yungun dunked and everything!!

Scott said...

I meant to tell you I told Ol Buzzard that you asked if I really had a friend called OB and he says HELLO!!! He and White Crow are the best,, I showed them your blog. They will most likely lurk.... as buzzards and crows do...