Saturday, December 17, 2005

Applegate Quotes the Druids

This is "The Gods Are Bored," and I am the Prince of Darkness.

Forget "Mr. Applegate." I only use that when I'm not pissed to the max.

The ancient druids had a saying. It went like this:

"They create a wasteland and call it progress."

I have an email from the Goddess Sedna. She's sacred to the Native Arctic peoples. It seems the U.S. government has hidden a bill to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling in the defense appropriations budget.

In other words, any senator who votes against saving the Arctic also votes against armoring vehicles for the poor cannon fodder soldiers in Iraq.

Slick, eh? Pardon the pun.

Sedna is absolutely distraught. First comes global warming, and now this. Soon she won't have a praise and worship team, and she'll have to go freelance like I did some time ago. I certainly hope she finds a better species to god for in her next posting.

And it's your loss, "humanity." You Americans especially. Alas, alas for you who waste your money on useless gadgets and fill your guts with Whoppers. You will pay.

My boss might not have Designed you people very Intelligently, but he has some respect for his creation -- all of it. I have an Advance Directive from him received today. To whit:

"Azreal, you slacker, enlarge that big lake of ice at the bottom of your lair and make room for the entire U.S. congress, senate, and leadership. Additionally, prepare some dry ice in which to encase lobbyists for the oil industry."

And this is the Christian god! Mark my word, the Green Man is even angrier. He's mobilizing his forces to blow the Yellowstone caldera. You know what will be Left Behind after that? Cockroaches and those creatures in the deep sea that swim around with bioluminescent lanterns in front of their faces.

Hey, I've seen bioluminescent deep sea fishes that made better use of their environments than you do, "human race." You deserve just what you'll get, which is


1 comment:

Scott said...

Hail to thee, Prince,, I know you are really a Light Bearer, pissed or not,I am right there with you MAXed OUT ON THIS ONE. Excuse me, but Damn Bastards,, Is Ares happy about this?? I mean really can't someone reel him in a bit on this war shit,, he is not playing fair IMHO.. can you give an Opinion on His part in this, or am I wrong to accuse him of sneaky tricks with dumb humans??
Dear Sedna, she has had a rough deal, and the few humans who thought they had turned this around,, well, we were just turned around for a good screw with no lubrication again!! Seriously, I have been praying the Green Man would come out and at least suck Cheney's WY home into a sinkhole or something.. I did see he was rather pissed at the Oil/gas drillers down in Oklahoma and set off a few geysers to show his displeasure,,, maybe a few in Washington are in order now,,, Maybe we should find the Old Ones who were the original gods of that area and do some praise worship to bring them out to help?? Any thoughts on doing that??
So, Hang on Sedna, the few humans who care are going to get back to bitching on this one,, hope we can do something. This time writing letters might not be enough,, so I say,, lets collect all the Bored Gods on this one,, Sedna has been nothing but wonderful to her faithful, and what have we done to her but regulate her to DEATH.
Pissed is a mild word here,P.o.D., I think we puny humans need some help here...... please...