Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Bored Gods for Beth Stroud

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we celebrate diversity and invite people everywhere to re-connect with the gods and goddesses of their ancestors! Who knows? Maybe your ancestors had more sense than you do. Don't think knowing how to drive a car makes you smarter than the folks who built Stonehenge.

Wow! It is a veritable God-fest here today! There are so many bored gods here I can hardly move my fingers! Gods and goddesses from every culture, ancient and modern. From all parts of the world. From every conceivable deity conglomerate!

Why the sudden multiple visitation? We'll let Quetzalcoatl (shown above) explain:

Quetzalcoatl: First let me say I'm honored to be able to explain anything. I'm tired of being a pretty image on carved stone.

Anne: Take it away, honored Aztec.

Quetzalcoatl: A minister of the United Methodist Church, beloved by her congregation (and, I hear, quite adept with casseroles) was DEFROCKED because she told the truth and admitted that she was gay and in a "covenant relationship" with a woman. This dear pastor is OUT, in more ways than one. The Methodists claim their Rule Book prohibits practicing homosexuals from being ordained pastors, and changing the rule would alienate their conservative base.

Anne: Their conservative base? Oh, you mean the people who tithe big sums.

Quetzalcoatl: Exactly.

Anne: So why the big turnout of bored gods today? And excuse me, but Ixchel is supposed to bring ayahuasca when she comes. She forgot.

Ixchel: Sorry. I was in a rush, and I couldn't do a thing with my hair.

Quetzalcoatl: We bored gods are here to offer Beth Stroud alternative praise-and-worship teams that will accept her without discrimination. We hope she'll take us up on it, because how can she continue to serve a god who says in his writings that she's unfit for the task?

Anne: So we're having a Bored God Roll Call on behalf of Beth Stroud. Take it away, all you righteous deities!

Asherah (Ancient Israel): She can work for me. And by the way, Anne, when are you going to get around to my story?

Anne: Real soon, sweetie. Because your existence poses some big questions for the Judeo-Christian crowd. On with the Roll Call, please!

Rashnu (Ancient Middle East): I vote YEA.

Tiki (Marquessa Islands): Absolutely. Beth, come on down!

Chuchulainn (Ireland): Hey, what do you think? I'd like to have Christian Missionary on a Stick for breakfast every morning.

Tuatha-de-Danaan (British Isles): Beth, we offer an awesome heaven. Think about it.

Jade Emperor (China): You like the food, you like the god. Let's talk.

Ishtar (Ancient Babylon): No one has prayed to me in thousands of years. I'd welcome the attention.

Chonganda (Congo): Come along, Beth, and bring my African people with you.

Faro (Mali): Beth, you're brave. I like that in a person.

Eingana (Australia): Oy, mate. Down Under now, or Down Under later. Get my drift?

Quetzalcoatl (Mexico): I'm already on record as wanting Beth Stroud in my congregation.

Isis (Egypt): Those people who commissioned the Pyramids weren't in it for myth-making, dearie. Stop by!

Akka (Finland): There's nothing cold about my team.

Inti (Peru): Live high in the sky, look the birds in the eye. Welcome, Beth. Welcome!

Ixchel (Guatemala): Sorry I forgot the hallucinogens. But don't let that scare you away, Beth. You don't have to drink tea to see me!

Freya (Norway): All right, my pantheon argues a lot. We could use a sensitive mediator. How about it, Beth?

Sedna (Arctic): Save my Wildlife Refuge! You can do it, Beth!

Thunderbird: Sssssssssssssssssssss. Woosh!

Anne: Oh, god (pardon my phraseology). Even Zeus wants a word.

Zeus: I'll take her if she's cute.

Queen Brighid the Bright: You'd think he'd learn something in 2000 years. Beth Stroud, I have jars of jam older than Jesus. Come home to Mama, darling, and take comfort in my embrace.

Zeus: Hey, where's my hurricane? It's no fair! Alpha and Beta my ass!

Anne: Stay on topic.

Beth Stroud, the same kind of mindset that used the Bible to condone and expand the enslavement of Africans is now being used to keep you out of the pulpit. And sorry, but it's based on the scriptures in that perpetually perplexing Bible. Oh, woe to the Pharisees of the United Methodist Church! They face a reckoning.

Mr. Applegate: I'll see to that.




Thanks to mundodesconocido (a Jesus site) for the portrait of Quetzalcoatl.

Thanks to the hilarious http://www.godchecker.com for alerting the bored gods! Don't stop reading me when you see this site!