Missionary Position

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we cover all the hot, sexy topics!

Just kidding. But we bet that title drew you in, eh?

Okay, if it's sex you're looking for, turn on the t.v. About the only channel that doesn't offer scads of it is ESPN. Oh, yeah. I forgot about the Catholic Network. Now that is fascinating viewing!

Here at "The Gods Are Bored," we try to be reverse missionaries.

Missionaries work like this. They arrive in some fine country that has its very own religion. They offer the people of that country goods and services the citizens might not have. In return, missionaries try to win souls for the religion they represent. Sort of a financial/spiritual quid pro quo.

One need only think of those shining examples, the United Methodists, who fly sick Africans to hospitals in light planes. Who's going to turn that offer down, even if it means deep-sixing Chonganda?

We at "The Gods Are Bored" would rather it worked this way. The missionaries arrive, they dole out their goods and services, and then they say, "Hey. Tell us about Chonganda! We want to learn about your awesome god! Convert us! And the missionaries go home to America or wherever with a richer view of the human race and its many ways of approaching the divine.

Oh no. This doesn't happen. Missionaries are fired with zeal for their true religion. They would never admit it, but they think the Africans they help are stupid and backward and in need of salvation.

Spare me.

Way too many gods and goddesses (especially goddesses) have been mown over like so much dried cornstalk by this sort of missionary activity. What have we lost? Untold spiritual wealth. Respect for others.

What have we reaped? Nut cases flying planes into tall buildings in return for virgins and shade in their male-run heaven.

What have we reaped? Christian churches that look and run like arenas, where pastors tell their flocks how to vote and encourage their faithful to mess in the lives of others (who are stupid and backward and need to be saved).

We here at "The Gods Are Bored" think this world needs a Revival.

We want to revive the rich cornucopia of religious views that once animated our ancestors and the ancestors of others. One True Religion? Okay, which one is it? What if it's Chonganda, and if you don't believe in Chonganda you go to hell?

Religion should not be run like warfare, where the missionary with the most money and services advances while the natives submit. It's just wrong. It's like allowing animals and plants to go extinct.

So there's the Missionary Position of "The Gods Are Bored." Variety is the spice of life ... and the afterlife.

BLESSED BE,
ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS