Thursday, September 15, 2005

Morpheus/Applegate Tag Team

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where every day is a holy day! If you've never dropped in before, we hold this truth to be self-evident: that all gods are created equal and none should try to corner the market on praise and worship.

I'm your host, Anne Johnson. And that's my real name. Don't you love it? Come on, admit it. You know an Anne Johnson or two. One of them could be me!

It was a tough night in the old homestead last night. My dear husband, the wrecking ball operator, had a bout of illness earlier in the week. He was given IV Dilaudid. (Look! Rush Limbaugh's palms just started sweating!) Anyway, in the middle of the night last night, Morpheus took it on the lam, and my dear husband had a nightmare in which "Mr. Applegate" was prominently featured.

Even lapsed Catholics have problems with Applegate. You would too if you'd attended parochial school for 12 years.

So I've banished Mr. Applegate and the god Morpheus (temporarily), having high suspicions that they tag-teamed this one. At any rate, both the husband and I agree that we did the right thing avoiding all recreational use of narcotic opiate painkillers. We're of an age where that stuff was around. Wisely, we both passed.

Unlike certain popular radio hosts, who imbibed with extreme prejudice.

For those of you who have been following my unemployment woes, I decided not to telemarket for the pesticide company. It is against my religion to kill insects. They have a right to life.

Now I'm thinking bigger. I wonder if it's too late to become best friends with someone who is best friends with a presidential candidate. Then that candidate gets elected, suddenly I'm the head of FEMA.

I'll be taking these weighty ideas with me this weekend, as I go to worship the Thunderbirds. If you want a god that delivers, I can't recommend Thunderbirds enough. They are awesome.

I've never had a toothache in my life. Thunderbirds at work!

Talk to you on Monday.



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