Sunday, May 01, 2005

Beltane one out of the Park

May 1, 2005 - a blessed Beltane to all from THE BORED GODS! Spring does burst forth in this temperate zone, and having lived through a meal of wild mushrooms I bought from an Appalachian entrepreneur, I'm just brimming with zest on this beautiful Beltane eve.

In the name of Queen Brighid the Bright, welcome to May! Be bright! Be gay! Change "now" to "know." (Thanks, Brian - and she even looks like me, I'm so happy about that.)

As you might have guessed, Queen Brighid the Bright is one of the bored gods. Although she's not as bored as all that. We up-to-date, modern, enlightened folks call her "Mother Nature" and put her in margarine commercials. And it's true, it isn't nice to fool her. She wants to keep us in our place, to keep the precious balance on this rock we all share, to remind us that we're not the "be-all and end-all" (as some religious sects would have us), but rather co-inhabitants of the rock with all the other precious living things, from amoebas to zebras.

Queen Brighid the Bright isn't particular about names. She's quite content with those who would "Hail Mary" her and visit her sacred springs for cures. The Mother of God ... well, you can hardly call her bored, she's prayed to more than enough.

However, if you happen to be a woman having trouble conceiving a child, or a pregnant mom-to-be who's just a little frightened at the prospect of labor, or if you have children who are unruly and try your patience, you might try praying to her by her ancient name. That will get her attention over and above the daily din, and she'll work for you. I am told her name is pronounced "Bridey" (rhymes with "needy").

Where I grew up in the Blue Ridge Mountains, there were still a few "Brideys" here and there, but you hardly ever hear that name anymore. But in any town of any size you can find a Bridget, or a Brigit, or a Brigitta. I know one of each.

Here is how I spread good will on Beltane:

*Offered to take a picture of Jamaican tourists. They invited me to Jamaica! Oh, if only. Do you love me, reader? Send me enough money to finance a vacation to Jamaica! I'll never earn that much myself (check my personal info for occupation).

*Gave two bucks to a subway guitarist.

*Gave a modest but more sizable donation to a fund for homeless teenagers.

*Gave a slightly better donation to breast cancer research.

*Gave my two daughters an opportunity to see hateful, intolerant, loud Chippies at their worst. Police were standing by.

*Gave reverent attention to worship of Jesus in the morning (early service, including communion), and reverent attention to the ancient ones in the evening, with special salutation to Queen Brighid the Bright. She's my favorite (not terribly) bored god.

If you find this sort of multiple-listing worship distasteful, or downright Satanic, poor you, kiddo. Because it's like this. Either we're just animated hunks of meat with brains big enough to ponder our inevitable mortality, or we're all searching souls wandering the many paths to enlightenment, none of them better or worse than another as long as no one gets hurt and the furniture doesn't get stained.

In for a dime, in for a dollar. That's the motto of this blog. Take your choice: Sartre, or the big, broad, flexible outlook. As above, so below. Lots of options, change "now" to "know."

Happy Beltane! From:

PS - No kittens were slaughtered in the preparation of this blog.

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