Monday, May 23, 2005

What's Up in Afghanistan?

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" My name is Morpheus, and I'm stepping in for Anne this morning. She had to go out and judge some goats, you know, make a living and all that.

I, Morpheus, Greek God of Dreams, would like to thank you Americans for dismantling the Taliban regime in Afghanistan. Since you did that, the farmers have returned to growing their most dependable cash crop, opium poppies. (The Taliban killed anyone found guilty of growing opium.) Thanks to you Americans, the worldwide supply of cheap, pure heroin has skyrocketed. Your kids can come and talk to me, and they don't even have to use those dirty needles. They can just snort or smoke that nice, pure Afghan stuff. And it's so much cheaper now! You know all about supply and demand, don't you?

The ouster of that repressive fundamentalist regime has led to almost 90 percent of illegal heroin coming from one, yes one country. That's Afghanistan! The farmers grow rich, the police grow rich on kickbacks, the politicians grow rich on graft, and your American children grow mellow in the glow of my most famous product. Everybody's happy!

Oh, and don't worry about those angry mobs over there who protested the news that some American burned the Koran. You know how countries are. There's always going to be some lunatic fringe on the side of repressive religion. The new Afghan government will soon make short shrift of those rabble rousers.

I just love the way you Americans sow democracy all over the place. I think of it every time I see all those acres and acres of Afghan fields, planted edge to edge with my beautiful red and white poppies. Oh, so sorry to you liberal Americans out there. Poppies don't come in blue.
A Public Service Message from
Morpheus, God of Dreams

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