Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you're just joining us, well then, howdy. Help us shore up that wall between church and state, because it's got a few hairline cracks. And you know how hairline cracks are. One minute they just stand there looking innocent, the next minute the castle shudders and collapses into the moat.
This is a little heads-up for a Chippie (Christian/hippie) named Chan Chandler, who rightfully lost his day job as pastor of a church because he said anyone who voted for John Kerry was a sinner who needed to repent.
Now, folks, Chan has every right not only to hold that opinion in his heart, but also to express it vocally and frequently. Just not from the pulpit of the church he's pastoring.
Chan, dearie. Have you ever heard of a notorious criminal named Al Capone? He ran bootleg booze through Chicago in the days of Prohibition. Know how they finally nailed that guy? THEY CALLED IN THE IRS.
Chan. Sweetie. Guess who heard of your little pulpit political plug? THE IRS. They want TAXES from your church, honey! It's not a CHURCH if you're spouting politics. It's not a CHURCH if people have to declare their political party to join. It's not a CHURCH if people can be tossed out because of the way they vote.
And one last thing, you clueless Chippie. It's not a CHRISTIAN church if you stick your nose into other peoples' lives and pass judgment on them. You're not preaching gospel, you're throwing stones. Bad boy. Very bad.
I guess that gets you promoted to Dobson's staff. Oh, but your Chippie future looks bright. Until you come face to face with Jesus, or - gasp! - the bored gods, who will find your intolerance ... ummm ... intolerable.
ANNE HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS TO THE SAME MAN.
ANNE HAS BEEN FAITHFUL TO THAT MAN.
ANNE IS NOT HOMOSEXUAL.
ANNE HAS NEVER HAD AN ABORTION AND DOESN'T BELIEVE IN THEM.
ANNE PAYS HER TAXES AND HER TITHES.
ANNE VOLUNTEERS AT CHURCH AND IN COMMUNITY.
ANNE TELLS HER KIDS NOT TO DRINK, FIGHT, TAKE DRUGS, CHEAT, LIE, OR CURSE.
ANNE'S A DRUID WHO VOTED FOR KERRY.
See y'all in Hell!