Saturday, January 21, 2006

My Awesome Award-Winning Narnia Sermon!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you're just joining us, we're an Equal Opportunity Employer of gods and goddesses. We celebrate love in all its forms and reject evil in all its forms. So don't be looking for any nasty gods here. They don't make it through our security checks.

I read in the newspaper that Disney Studios offered a $1000 check to the pastor who delivered the best sermon based on "The Chronicles of Narnia."

Serious dough. It's worth a shot.

Brothers and sisters, I give you the awesome book, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.

It's about this family of kids who get sent to live in a big old house in the English countryside during the Blitz. They find this magic wardrobe and climb inside, and it leads to a really cold and dark place with a cute little fawn. Then the kids climb back into the wardrobe and then they go through it again to explore the dark, cold land more.

And the fawn says the land is ruled by an evil witch.

All right, that's as far as I got in that book.

And not because the witch was evil. Because it was boring.

I was trying to read it to my daughter, The Spare. We both decided to bag it.

Last Sunday The Spare did her little acolyte duty at the Whitebread United Methodist Church, necessitating my presence during the service. (I sit on the "colored balcony.")

I guess Pastor Jones was trying to win his grand, because he preached about the movie. And he said that the evil witch had placed a curse on the land and made it dark and cold, and the magnificent, ferocious lion (but he has a good heart) decides to oppose the evil witch.

So Spare and I got a little dose of what we missed by not reading the whole book.

Walking home from Whitebread U.M.C., I said to The Spare, "What do you think? It's always an evil woman witch who does all the damage in these Christian sagas."

And The Spare said, "Maybe she had her reasons for making it cold and dark."

That concludes today's sermon. The ushers will now pass among you to collect your tithes and offerings. Please forward this to Disney for inclusion in the Great Narnia Sermon Contest.

Oh! Forgot. Lest you think Anne doesn't like to read, she will now list only the books she has read 3 or more times:
1. Walden
2. Pride and Prejudice
3. Jane Eyre
4. One Hundred Years of Solitude
5. The Great Gatsby
6. Wuthering Heights (5 times)
7. The Prince (Machiavelli)
8. Inferno (Dante)
9. The Odyssey
10. The World of Jeeves
11. Great Goats, Past and Present (5 times)

FROM ANNE
THE HOPEFUL PASTOR OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

2 comments:

Athana said...

Hey, Anne, this is going straight to Disney! I'm mailing it today so it'll be in the post box bright and early tomorrow morning for early Monday delivery. Get ready to put your hands on that g-note, sister, because it's coming your way, not a single doubt in my mind!

Although you've probably already thought of this, you might want to share a bit of the reward money with the spare -- that kid has a mind like a steel trap -- and should be handsomely rewarded for it!

Scott said...

OK, with you on this one, but as a child I did play Narnia before it was cool, I always wanted to be the Witch of course...

On the books, read along with you except for:
10. The World of Jeeves
11. Great Goats, Past and Present (5 times)
Love the title on #11
you are too cool...