Friday, January 27, 2006

Gods or Not

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you're just climbing on board for the first time, here's our philosophy in a nutshell.

We've never quite been able to figure out why a One God put on His thinking cap and Intelligently Designed a universe and then let His creations worship other gods before, during, and after His reign.

By the time the Big Guy said, "You shall have no gods but me," gosh, there were praise and worship teams spread out all over the globe. Some of them had fancy pyramids and epic Bibles and everything! Circles of stone surrounded by barrows, paintings in caves, Mother Goddess statues, you name it. A veritable supermarket of celestial excellencies!

Almost like the Intelligent Designer said, "Ooooooops! A day late and a dollar short. It'll be hard enough converting the ones that already believe in other gods, let alone retro-fitting the millions and millions and millions who've already gone to the Other Side."

Well, the Intelligent Designer has comported Himself like any corporate CEO, using myriad tactics and tweaking his message, and usurping holidays from other traditions (because we do like our holidays, don't we muchachas?), all in an effort to assert His oneness and only admit True Believers to His Holy Hershey Park.

Trouble is, in the wake of this, He has sidelined some exceptionally able gods and goddesses who really want to work and who really really miss their former praise and worship teams.

Seriously, would you rather have meaningful employment and the high regard of the many, or sit around on a couch that is so old it has your butt imprinted on it, watching "Green Acres" for the 560th time?

Our philosophy here is that one is the loneliest number. It's so bad that even the Big Guy had to become Three-in-One to tolerate it.

Throw open the gates, and let the bored gods return to collect and console their praise and worship teams!

You don't have to go through the religious motions just because your pastor is so handsome and reassuring, and the choir can get around Handel on Sunday morning. Step out, look around, say to yourself, "I think I'll try a new pantheon today."

And if you're not quite sure what your true tradition might be, determine your continent of origin, country if possible, and consult
http://www.godchecker.com

They've got a plethora of dynamic deities just waiting for your perusal.

Just remember, this is America. You have the right to worship buzzards if you want to. (They prefer to be called Thunderbirds. It's more respectful.)

One nation, under the Thunderbirds, indivisible. . .

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

1 Comments:

At January 28, 2006 , Blogger Athana said...

"We've never quite been able to figure out why a One God put on His thinking cap and Intelligently Designed a universe and then let His creations worship other gods before, during, and after His reign. By the time the Big Guy said, "You shall have no gods but me," gosh, there were praise and worship teams spread out all over the globe."

Wow! This is alright! Wish I could fit it onto a bumper sticker. I'd put it on the back of my car.

 

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