Monday, September 26, 2005

Downsize This!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you're just joining us for the first time, how safe is your job? Are you getting the same deal you did in 1990? Or are you like some bored Inca god who saw his or her whole praise and worship team wiped out by smallpox, imported deliberately on blankets by Christian conquistadors?

Yes, we at "The Gods Are Bored" are bitter. We've been downsized.

At just about the same moment that the fast food restaurants got the bright idea to Supersize everything, The Man (He Who Owns You and Me) got the idea to get more work out of less people.

First they called it being fired. Sounded too violent, like The Man was actually harming another person. Why, The Man is such a nice guy! He helps the economy by purchasing yachts made in Sri Lanka. He'd never burn anyone down! So fired got retired.

The Man turned to the term "layoffs." That word sort of suggests that the poor family people with health problems who only want to do their day's work for honest pay might actually get hired back at some point.

This term was most popular during the union years, when some companies actually did hire back 10 people for every 100 they laid off. Companies don't do that anymore. They send the jobs abroad.

"Layoffs" offered false hope. So The Man coined a new phrase:

Revised Head Counts.

Don't you love this, folks? They count heads. If there's too many, they revise.

Count heads. Revise. Count again. Revise again.

Voila! You have 10 people doing the work of 45. And those 10 are all under the age of 30, healthy and vigorous, willing and able to put in 60-hour weeks. When these workers get older or sick, REVISE THEM TOO.

It's too bad the Talking Heads can't be the Revised Heads. Then they'd have to sing: "Different than it ever was, different than it ever was..."

I'ts much the same with deities. Each culture used to have its own gods and goddesses, its own rituals to contact the divine. Along comes a Man named Yahweh, and suddenly there's only ONE WAY to do things.

Out go the bored gods. They don't even get severance pay. Forget health insurance or compensation for unused vacation days.

I started this lovely little site as a forum for the bored gods to air their grievances. If you know a bored god who's been let go, send 'em right here.

We offer no salary or benefits. Can't. We've been downsized. But this site is like a Twelve-Step Program for deities. At least they'll feel that they aren't alone in their difficulties.

ANNE SAYS
IF MY JOB IS DOWNSIZED, WHY DOESN'T MY DRESS SIZE CHANGE?

Help me, Pierre da Bologna!

2 comments:

Scott said...

I was 'downsized' last year, and have somehow maintained the house,, but sorry all you Credit Card companies,, you ain't getting your fair share of my few pennies I can get now. It has been SURVIVAL mode for way to long, and I am Over qualified??? and under qualified for most jobs that pay over $5.00. So, somehow, my magickal abilities have produced enough to scrap by on,, but it is getting more meager each day. I would not worry for myself,, but I have fourlegged children to care for and they depend on me. Hope you can somehow make it,, the 'Man" isn't being to generous with the trickle down effect,,, unless you live in India and the illegal immigrant problem is way outta control,,, sorta looks like it might be by '''Intelligent Design''' via MegaSuperInterNationalVastConglomerate the Newest Deity on the Block.

Scott said...

PS: I say we send Ares or Thor to punch out the lights of that new deity: MegaSuperInterNationalVastConglomerate