Saturday, August 23, 2014

Thoughts on My 30th Wedding Anniversary

You would hardly know it to look at me, youthful and sprightly as I am, but I have been married for 30 years. August 23 is my wedding anniversary.

I have no free advice regarding how to make a marriage work. There are a gazillion married people on this planet, yet no two relationships are exactly the same.

Oh, wait. Here's some free advice for the young, single readers of The Gods Are Bored.

(Okay, freely admitting here that there probably aren't even a dozen young, single readers of The Gods Are Bored.)

Avoid this, even if you can afford it. That's not marriage, it's a Broadway show.

Marriage is what happens after you take off the gooey gown. It's tough sledding. Not gonna pull the wool over your eyes. On the other hand, the right partner can help you find yourself. Mr. J has done that for me.

So we're off to Paris, London, and the Riviera to the Chesapeake Bay for two days. Free advice on a long marriage? Don't live beyond your means.

See you Tuesday! Keep your deities warm.


Anne Basso said...

Well said.

My advice to every friend who has gotten married is the same. Don't stress about the wedding. Something will go wrong. Something always goes wrong. The things that go wrong are what make your wedding story fun to tell to people over the years.

The only thing that has to happen at your wedding, is that you both show up, and leave married. That's it. The cake, the gown, the DJ, none of it matters. The only important thing is that you leave married.

Now, I haven't been married for 30 years. We will celebrate 13 years in October. But we're still happy. I think we hit our stride after ten. We each look out for each other. Which is nice. I don't have to look out for me if I know he will. And vice versa. Our marriage is one of mutual giving. And sometimes it's uneven, because one of us needs more.

That's ok.

We work to grow together, and I made sure to marry my best friend.

But the marriage we've had, was not that one day. That one day was just that one day. Our marriage has been births, deaths, loss, bills, laughter, and a thousand other things that we couldn't have even imagined in that day.

Great post, Anne.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Happy 30th Anniversary! Congratulations and wishing you many more!

Dr Phil always says not to confuse the wedding for the marriage. It's a common mistake.

Anne Johnson said...

Anne, you put it better than me! With your permission I would like to quote you in a future post. Just leave a comment so I know you don't mind.

Maebius said...

yep, Anne said it far far better than I could even think to comment to this post. :)
Every day's a new lesson, and new opportunity to be Partners.

As long as that's the focus, it's all good, regardless of the sniggly details in between.

Lucretia said...

Great advice, Anne! I second your motion. One comment I would add... NO ONE should get married with the idea that "if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce". That's basically a death sentence to any marriage, an almost guaranteed self-fulfilling prophesy. Don't go there.

And, Anne, I hope you had a fun, enjoyable, and loving anniversary!

Davoh said...

Whatever happened to the concept of 'harems' .... grins.

Davoh said...

oops, that was meant as a sort of joke. However - works both ways. Should a female not be able to keep several males - if she could afford the stress and upkeep?

zerry ht said...

Wonderful advice, Anne! But I am already married and going to celebrate 12th wedding anniversary in the next month. I want to book a beautiful vow renewal location for the party. I wonder if you have suggestions for a good party venue!

mark lawrence said...

30th wedding anniversary thought is just amazing. It’s been 24 years of my wedding, and I will plan for a grand party at Chicago event venues on my 25th anniversary. I am going to invite my all relatives and friends as that will be best moment for us.