Friday, August 08, 2014

Snobville Annual Sidewalk Sale!

Howdy howdy! It's me, Anne Johnson, your favorite gal on the street, bringing you highlights of the Snobville, New Jersey sidewalk sale!

Every year during the first week of August, Snobville holds a sidewalk sale so that the merchants can get rid of their summer merchandise. There are great deals to be had, if you're rich and like to feel like you're saving money.

There are three kinds of stores in Snobville: Stores that sell stupid stuff, stores that sell designer stuff, and CVS Pharmacy.

Snobville abounds with chic little boutiques. They all participate in the sidewalk sale. What bargains there are to be had! The $315 pair of blue jeans are 50 percent off!

Seriously. How did I ever wind up in this town?

If what you want is a cat coffee mug, or some little sign about your dog, or yoga pants that started life at $175, or yet another little clutch purse, or Nike sneakers made in Vietnam, then Snobville is your go-to sidewalk sale. If, on the other hand, you buy clothing for comfort and durability, you can give this little affair the brush.

There's one exception to this Rule of Expensive Sidewalk Sales.

If you are looking for a bridal gown or a prom dress, then Snobville's sidewalk sale is your bargain-hunting dream.

Snobville has four stores that sell gooey gowns. We all know the deal with bridal gowns: the samples get tried on by legions of cranky Bridezillas. Then the season ends and the new styles come out. So the stores sell the sample gowns at the very reasonable price of $150. Now, that's what I call a deal! (Are you reading this, Heir and Spare?)

Ditto, but to a lesser extent, prom gowns. Usually the bargain prom gowns at the sidewalk sale have some issue, missing sequins being the predominant gripe. But seriously. Who looks at prom gowns that closely? Put it another way: How hard is it to sew a sequin back where it belongs, when it's hanging there by a thread already?

If you paid more than $25 for your prom gown, you should have come to Snobville in August.

There's no moral to this sermon. I just spent the morning strolling around Snobville and the afternoon reading library books. It's how I rolled today. Other people go to Paris on their vacations, but I'm perfectly content to peruse bargain bridal gowns, cat coffee mugs, and jeans that will go onto someone else's butt.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Sounds like an idyllic way to spend the afternoon.

Anne Basso said...

No need for either kind of gown, but with two daughters who are getting older every day, I might have to look into whether or not our local Snobville has sidewalk sales. I'll bet they do!

Cat C-B said...

The morning strolling the sidewalk sale, and the afternoon reading library books? Sounds like the perfect way to spend an August day.

And thanks for the tip--though I don't think I'll need a prom dress again for a while. ;-)

Vest said...

It may not come as a surprise to you but I have never strutted around in a dress so i have no knowledgeable input I can supply on this matter.
At the age of 88 I still wear jeans mainly both black and blue although I have the jacket and tie stuff hanging in the closet for any formal events I am compelled to attend.
Most of the blokes around my age and much younger still stick to the baggy shorts and cor blimey trousers.
Elvis sang about the girl who wore 'Red blue Jeans' huh?

Adelbert Enriquez said...
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