Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Otter the River God

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we threaten every day to write about upholstery maintenance, and then we always find something else to talk about! One of these days. One of these days, we're going to trot out everything we know about crushed velvet. It's a considerable store of knowledge.

Okay, my ten readers out there. Today you must make a choice. You must choose a Tribal Leader.

On one hand you've got me, Anne Johnson, pictured in Sidebar clutching a toy turkey vulture to my cheek.

On the other hand, here's Otter the River God.

Oh, don't worry. You won't hurt my feelings. Heck, with competition like this, I don't even feel like following myself!

Otter is the Leader of the River Tribe at the Spoutwood fairy festival. He's held the position for many years and has built considerable loyalty in the ranks of annual attendees.

All Tribal Leaders must compete for Tribe members. Otter is quite good at it. Some of his devotees follow his lead and douse themselves with mud, so as to better reflect the spirit of River.

This was the first year that my daughter The Spare and I had to go head-to-head with Otter in competition for tribal recruits. The Spare entered the fray with vigor. Otter dismissed her with the flick of a hand. At that point I was ready to slink away like an egg-sucking dog. But when Otter weighed her in the balance and found her wanting, Fair Spare responded with a twitch of her well-plucked eyebrow and a flash of daring in her eye.

The Spare loves a challenge, and she's brimming to the plimsol line with moxie. (Don't ask me where her grandstanding comes from. She must have been switched at birth with some more sedate and pensive child.)

If Spare was switched at birth, I want to thank the nurse who did it. It's wonderful having a tag-team partner who doesn't shrink from a challenge.

And won't this look good on Spare's college applications: "Co-Leader, Mountain Tribe, Spoutwood Fairie Festival, 2009--." I bet some bleary-eyed recuiter will look twice at that.
Alone, I am no match for Mr. River. With Spare as my strong right arm, he has possibly met his match.

And so, together Spare and I will challenge all of the other Tribe Leaders, but especially the vivacious and popular Otter. We've got eyebrows, and we know how to use 'em.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Your turkey vultures will feast on him!

Nettle said...

He's kind of aborable, actually, but dismissing the Spare? That's a potentially fatal error. Never underestimate the power of a good Spare.

Pom said...

To choose between you - powerfully funny and entertaining bloggeress extraordinaire with exceptional daughters - and a guy I know nothing about? No contest!

WV - smsho (The Spare's battle cry??) ;o)

Hecate said...

Dude's dead and doesn't even know it.

Sarita said...

Ditto on what Nettle said. :)

Buzzardbilly said...

Oh, what glorious fun!!

Have I told you lately that I love you?

EarthCitizen #23 'Scott' said...

OK , so I am the 11th reader of your blog,,, haven't been around in awhile, but every time I have seen a vulture,, guess whom I think of,,,

Missed you and reading your wonderful words of bored gods,,, so,, I am catching up

Hope all is well

democommie said...

Well, I like otter; I think it tastes just like fried chicken! Lemme at 'im!

Anonymous said...

Love the blue paint. Reminds me of the time I went to a Halloween/Samhain party done up as John White's Ancient Briton. (NB this was 30 years ago when I was in shape for it.) Rodger Cunningham

THE Michael said...

As Lord Holder of Pendragon Hold, I offer an alliance, in which I join with you all my loyal denizens, which at the moment total one Wife, three goats, a dog, two cats, and a Leapard gecko.

I'm hoping it's the sentiment that really counts here.........

THE Michael said...

Oh, I forgot......add to that two gnomes and a fairy!

yellowdog granny said...

i spoke to the goddess..in her words?....he's fucking toast..

dawtch said...

While he is pretty to look at - looking is much better from a distance. Usually, when you get close they open their mouths and ruin the illusion...I've heard you with open mouth, erm..keyboard...I'll just stay here, and enjoy the view over there...