Saturday, May 16, 2009

Is Your Family Like This?

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Do you have in-laws? Do they drive you bonkers?

No, they don't drive you bonkers? Don't play the lottery, because you've already maxed out your good luck.


Introduction: Caller #1 lives in Baltimore. Caller #2 lives in Philadelphia. Over a period of five days, they plan a picnic for a family member who has just earned a master's degree.


Caller #1: We'll have a really nice time. It will just be your family and theirs. I'm making potato salad and baked beans. We'll grill some hamburgers.

Caller #2: Oh, that's great! Our family hardly ever gathers, just us. The kids will love it! What would you like me to bring?

Caller #1: A cake, maybe. And some fruit.


Caller #1: Oh, I guess I should tell you. They've invited Sally and her five kids.

Caller #2: That's fine. The kids all get along.

Caller #1: Maybe you'll want to make some cupcakes or something, for the kids. And bring some kid stuff. You know, chips and pretzels and cookies.

Caller #2: Okay.


Caller #1: The party starts at five. There's your family and their family, Sally and the kids, Jim and Jessie and their family, and a few other people.

Caller #2: Wait a minute. The party starts at five? And now Jim and Jessie are coming, and maybe some other people? We thought it was just going to be our two families, an afternoon thing! We can't come at five, it's too late! Mr. Johnson has to work on Sunday.

Caller #1 (huffy): There's plenty of daylight left at 5:00! What's the matter with you people? I'm really angry!

Caller #2: Okay, I'm sorry if you're angry, but we can't do an evening party. Mr. Johnson has to work on Sunday...

Caller #1 (huffy): Well, if you invite people over at lunchtime, then you wind up having to feed them two meals!

Caller #2: Oh! The clothes dryer just beeped! I don't want to waste any energy! Better go get those clothes... Bye bye! (Click.)

I suppose it's uncharitable for me to not want to attend a party 100 miles away that begins at 5:00 p.m., especially when I was led to believe it would be a small family event and was told at the 11th hour that it had morphed into a typical big-group affair. But I'm tending to think that the people who invited us knew darned well we would balk at the start time and back out. It's just a hunch.

I'm not going to bother "Dear Abby" with this one.


Pom said...

Sounds like it's their loss...

Servitor Lucem said...

Glad my family isn't like that.
However, maybe you *should* send that one to Dear Abby. And hope it makes the column. And that Caller #1 *reads* Dear Abby. Then you can go around and let everyone know how happy you are that your letter made it into the column.
Some people, after all, do need to learn some things the hard way...

THE Michael said...

I don't travel 100 miles for anything short of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for Blogging......

yellowdog granny said...

gee...are we related?...I think i have your relatives for can write
Dear Yellowdog..and i'll tell them where to mark it and kiss it..

mrsb said...

I have an in-law who lives 2 hours away, and who thinks I should be able to pack up my 3 kids and "drop by" at the drop of a hat.

People can be so ignorant about those things.

democommie said...

I drove 114 miles each way to see a fellow I met on the blogs play a concert. It was worth every mile of the trip.

Them folks you're talking about. I don't know if I could get up enough energy to cross the street...

Hillbilly Fairy said...

i think rudeness is in the air this week. you wouldn't believe how chewed up i am over this girl thing with my daughter. it is so ugly. i never saw this with my older one (grew up in dc, though -- more open minds?! I dunno). i need to vent.