Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Gods Are Bored

Welcome to ... do you have any idea how fast I can type "The Gods Are Bored" by this time? I've been doing it since the spring of 2005.

You do know, don't you, that if you type a word frequently, you get faster and faster at it? For awhile I could type New York Times Book Review faster than you could say, "What a crock of snobby crap!"

The perplexing journalist H.L. Mencken once wrote a short essay about the death of the old gods and goddesses. He stated that they had died becuase no one worshipped them anymore. Then he gave a list that actually included the Inca name for the Sacred Thunderbird.

I agree with Mencken frequently, but on this occasion, he's dead wrong. And dead too. He died in 1956. I wrote the first and most authoritative entry on him for Contemporary Authors, so I should know.

No god or goddess or sacred entity has died. Ever. They are immortal. If you'll look at a god contract, you'll see that Clause A specifically states: "All deities are now, and will forever remain, immortal."

Those "God Is Dead" folks back in the 1960s? Wishful thinking.

God won't ever die. But he is not immune from the onset of boredom. Oh no sirree.

Gods and Goddesses become bored when they no longer have praise and worship teams. Lacking the support of followers, these deities sit idle, playing bridge and building domino chains. Some of them, having exhausted their burnt offerings, etc., must find gainful employment. The guy who sells you the knockoff Prada handbag on the side street in Manhattan may be a bored god. (It's impolite to ask, and it just makes him feel worse if you do.)

If you don't believe that deities are immortal, why, just look around you. There's a growing population of Pagans, re-connecting with bored gods and goddesses from pantheons past. If those deities weren't immortal, would they still be around to smell the fragrant incense at a Druid gathering? I think not!

You see, big guy gods (or just plain ol' God) can trample but not kill. So at any time, an ancient god or goddess (or Thunderbird) can suddenly emerge from the shadows and start recruiting again.

Nothing makes a deity happier than being worshipped. So we at "The Gods Are Bored" encourage you to sit in the woods, invite a few random pantheons, and love any or all of them.

Think about the last time you went to a doctor, and they had you strip to your skivvies and sit for 15 hours waiting for attention. Isn't Queen Brighid the Bright worth more than that?

Our operators are standing by to take your call.

1 comment:

MountainLaurel said...

Ever read Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins (I believe)? He takes the Mencken view of dying gods. Interesting and fun book.