Friday, August 11, 2006

More Helpful Tips on Traveling in Terror Times

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Jump under your desk and put your hands over your head! Don't you hear that Republican siren? We're all toast, I tell you, toast! Especially if legally-elected Democratic candidates like Ned Lamont, a Mr. Softee on Terror, get into power!

Thanks for the public service announcement, Dick Cheney and Joe Lieberman.

You know what I hate? Suitcases. Especially those big ones that you lug to the airport check-in, and they promptly send them to Singapore instead of Milwaukee.

Here's a handy tip I learned from Going Greyhound, where they leave your bag in Uniontown and your destination is Cleveland.

Don't take a suitcase at all when you travel. Take the clothes on your back, your wallet, your passport, and the car keys.

When you get to your destination, have the cabbie take you to a department store. The seasonal clothing is always on sale. Buy a few things. Wear them while you're vacationing. Then, either dump them or put them in a box and mail them to your home address.

The Postal Service is slightly more reliable than Greyhound.

If you have the money to fly to London, book a hotel, and toddle out to Stonehenge (lucky sod, you), then you've got the money to get some togs. And if you're even a luckier sod and plan to take a train from London to, say, the Scottish Highlands, just use the good old shopping bag they give you in the store. This has the added bonus of making you look like a citizen out for a shopping spree in the city.

I have actually done this from time to time.

I've left a few threads of clothing in the homes of family members I visit frequently, too. Do they mind if my extra "El Paso Buzzards" t-shirt and some undergarments are stowed in their crawlspace? Nope.

For my legions of foreign readers who don't know what Greyhound is, here you go:

This one is considerably smarter-looking than the ones I used to ride.

Tomorrow: A new "Dummies" series! We're gonna put the Science in Creation. Send us the Creation you want proven. If you have the name of the god or goddess, that would be helpful.


1 comment:

karmic_jay said...

Neat blog. Lived in CT for about 8 yrs before moving to Delaware. You can guess what I think of Joementum.

Now I goota deal with Biden, but he is no Joementum. later..