Monday, August 14, 2006

Creation Series for Dummies #2: Hold the Pepto

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we honor your deities, and our deities, and every single deity who can refrain from staining the furniture!

If you're just joining us, we're looking at The Varieties of Religious Experience. From the perspective of a goat judge, not a great philosopher.

So, how came we to be here, on this blue-green planet? Were we made, or did we just happen?

As luck would have it, my daughter The Heir stumbled on a pantheon that has her very excited. And no wonder! Chonganda -- yes, the bored god Chonganda of the Congolese people, is a prominent member of this pantheon!

We just love Chonganda here. We're trying to make up for all the members of his praise and worship team that were bound in chains, shipped to America in appalling conditions, and turned over to Christianity, never to revere old Chonganda again.

Anyway, on to today's Creation of the Universe:

Once there was nothing but an entity, existing in pitch-black darkness. The specific gender of this entity was unknown. Over a long period of time, the entity became lonelier and lonelier, more and more depressed.

That kind of stress produced dire symptoms in the entity. Its stomach churned.

Then it vomited.

With the first heave, out came the sun, moon, and stars. With the second, nine animals and nine humans splatted onto the planet. When they picked themselves up and had a nice, cleansing swim, the humans and animals found a lot to like on the planet. They were so happy that they began to evolve into all sorts of creatures. Hence, the variety of life we are so hell-bent on reducing, species by species, today.

The grateful humans called their creator Bumba. And Bumba was overjoyed. He decided to be a man, and to reside in the sky where he could enjoy the show with a good seat. Somewhere he found himself a loving Goddess (probably from another pantheon, eh girls?).

Bumba and his Goddess had three sons. One of them was Chonganda. Praise and honor be to Chonganda, from whom blessings flow as from the swift, fragrant waters of the Congo!

Now we get to the hard science behind this creation.

There isn't any. Accept it as a matter of faith and move on.

AREA 14, STAR 14
For Bumba t-shirts and other information about bored African gods, consult God-Checker, the website with the best and brightest deities and disciples.


buddy don said...

ye know, the hard science kindly agrees with thisn, ifn ye figger the big boom (witch thats the current poplar candidate fer eggsplainin everthang) kindly vomited up everthang. we caint be shore ifn it cum in waves or not.

corse, we caint be shore bout much of inny of that kinda speckulayshun.

Anne Johnson said...

BD, I hope you get your blog issues settled hastily!