Thursday, August 24, 2006

Great Opportunity for Single Ladies

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," principled polytheism for your purpose-driven perusal! Liberal yes, godless no. We've got so many deities hanging around we never have to do any housework or cooking!

Today we have a special offer for all you single ladies out there. Take a number and be seated. While you're waiting, here's a copy of Brides magazine. Pick out a gown, because the wedding bells are about to chime!

I think it was Jesus' General, a very popular blogger, who alerted me to the hard work of Alberto Trippe at R U Rapture Ready. For some reason his blog won't link to mine (probably the work of the bored gods), but you can Google it.

Alberto's goal in life is to persuade homosexual men to renounce their filthy, sinful lives (his views, not mine) in favor of Bible-based living. In the past two weeks he's been conferenced with 16 gay men who have pledged to go straight, to marry and have children as the Bible commands.

Are you young single gals getting this? Here's a chance to snare a man, to settle down and have those little tots you've been seeing in your dreams.

And you know how air-tight pledges are. Just look at all these motivated teenagers who sign chastity pledges. Well, maybe that's not a good example. How about New Years' resolutions? Air-tight. I know I've kept every single one I've ever made.

Okay, okay. Don't get smart. I have kept the one about shaving my legs.

Anyway, back to topic. I encourage all you unmarried ladies out there to consult the appropriately-named Mr. Trippe to find out how you can date and mate with his reformed homosexuals.

Think of all the help they'll be with the home decorating.

(I hope you all know I'm kidding about this. I can't even decide if Mr. Trippe is serious or the best satirist on the Web.)

AREA 14, STAR 14


buddy don said...

whuts amazin is that innybidy kin bleeve ye could change sumbidys basick natchur thataway. seems to me them folks are makin too much out of nuthin on thisn since thar own bible is filld with much more important beams a bidy needs to pull frum thar eyes. beesides, in the same part that calls a man lyin with a man a abominayshun, thays a note that eatin shellfish is a abominayshun. how cum they aint out pickitin red lobster?

Hecate said...

You know, I'm inclined to agree with Derrick Jensen on this topic. People who don't like homosexuals shouldn't date one. Someone should tell the aptly-named Mr. Trippe.

kayakdave said...

WANTED- 18 to 30 year old female(s). (Exceptional 30-50 year olds will be considered) Successful candidate should have a bass boat, pickup truck and large trust fund. Being mute is a plus! A cooking and cleaning fetish is required. Bi-sexualism is another plus! Selected lesbians will be considered as long as they will change sides on occasion and are willing to share. Bible, Koran and/or Talmud thumpers need not apply. If your belly sticks out more than your boobs-do not apply. Those with home improvement skills move to the head of the line. Ability to wash my back, pop my pimples, clean fish and give massages required. You will be on call 24/7 for horizontal entertainment. The more kinks you have the better. Smokers, drinkers and tokers are welcome. (bring your own pot) If you got a little mad while reading this do not apply, a sense of humor is most important for this position!