Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Summer's here and the time is ripe for dancing in the street! Grab a bored god or goddess and cut a rug!
Could you raise these dumpster orphans from two weeks of age and deliver them to the pet shelter? These are my latest fosters, Tara and Cara. Sweeter than the bottom of an icing bowl. Oh, if I think about it I'll weep! They're on PetFinder.
Today's topic: How the World Began. No Questions.
Who are we to doubt the mighty Iroquois Nation? Here's what they have to say about the formation and disposition of our planet:
In the beginning there existed only Sky People. They lived eternally, and without strife, in a heavenly place.
One day one of the Sky Women told her husband she was expecting twins. For some reason, this so angered the husband that he took his wife to the center of the Sky Realm, where there was a tree that emitted light. The man pulled up the tree. Curious, the woman glanced into the hole left by the tree. Below her she saw the ocean, down on the earth.
Then the man, still nurturing his grievance, pushed the Sky Woman into the hole.
The Sky Woman fell and fell toward the water. It was certain she would drown! But two birds caught her. They sought help from other animals to create a place where the Sky Woman could stay. One by one the animals tried to scoop mud from the bottom of the ocean. But it slipped through their paws or flippers or whatever as they rose to the surface.
The Toad had an idea. It scooped up some mud and put it on the Giant Turtle's back. The mud began to multiply, and soon the Giant Turtle carried a whole world on its back. The Sky Woman liked the world, so she blew some dust into the air and created the sun, moon, and stars. She gave birth to her twins on this new world, carried on the back of Giant Turtle.
Well, you know twins. These two, named Sapling and Flint, were ... well ... hey. Whenever twins show up in these holy stories, they're always trouble.
Sapling was kind and nurturing. Under him, everything thrived. Flint had a hard heart. He put bones in the fish and thorns on the berry bushes. Finally he got so nasty that Sapling was forced to get physical. They had a fight, and Sapling won. Flint was banished underground, to the Giant Turtle's back. There Flint resides until this day. You can see his work in the Sumatran vocanoes and the Yellowstone caldera, among other nasty geologic events.
Scientists at the Discovery Institute for Giant Turtle Creation assure us that any day now, they will have hard evidence that our landmasses rest on the back of a mighty terrapin.
Until then, let's just accept this on faith, shall we?
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
AREA 14, STAR 14