Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your highway to the heavens. Lots of them.
I remember sitting on my dad's shoulders, watching Dwight D. Eisenhower give a speech. I remember when there were only 6 or 7 t.v. channels, and you had to get up and turn a knob to change them.
I remember when Kennedy died, my mom said, "See how Caroline wears her nice little socks?" I didn't like nice little socks.
I remember rotary dials, talking on the phone while standing next to it, dropping a coin in a pay phone in a glass booth.
I remember the "Summer of Love," bracelets with POW/MIA names on them, Nixon coining the term "Peace with Honor" (soon to be trotted out again, mark my word).
I remember how happy my mom was when Nixon went down. Her whole family voted Democrat because Lincoln won the war. Some time I'll explain that.
I remember being at a big shot university when the technicians rolled in the very first Word Processor. I remember how all the professors trooped in to look at it and try it out.
I remember one of my colleagues having to quit her job because Ronald Reagan shut the federally-funded day care centers.
I remember being the first in my office to be brave enough to do my work on a computer. I remember my first personal computer. It did not have a color monitor. It was more sophisticated than the computers in my home office, I had to save everything in an older program.
I remember having a baby. And then another one.
And then BOOM BOOM BOOM! The fireworks go off, and the 21st century is underway!
I detest cell phones.
I detest HD TV and 700 channels with nothing I care to watch.
I detest hardwired smoke detectors that start chirping at 3 a.m. and I don't know how to get the damned things to shut up.
I detest Wal-Marts and Wegmans and right wing radio commenters.
I detest ex-urban housing developments.
I detest a discrepancy between the rich and poor that seemed much less polarized in my youth.
In short, roll back the clock. Declare me a geezer. Laugh at my ineptitude with modern technology. I can hate the 21st century if I want to. The bored gods tell me so.
If you'll now excuse me, I'm going off to read a book.
CLUELESS GEEZER OF YESTERYEAR