Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," serving the large community of under-utilized deities since 2005! I'm Anne Johnson, the Chief Missionary, and today I'm submitting a nice little report about my activities. Afterwards the ushers will pass the plate, and I hope you're inspired to help me continue my good works!
1. My daughter The Heir and I went to West Virginia to participate in a faerie weekend, culminating at a ball in a real castle. The Heir is my diamond, my forever love, my best friend and soulmate. (And of course, when you're doing missionary work, you need to have such a partner, or it's stressful.)
2. I purchased a costume for the Faerie Parade at the local thrift store. While I was there, I saw an adorable toy starfish that matched the costume. So I bought the starfish too, figuring it would be a nice prop in Berkeley Springs, where the whole town is built around a Sacred Spring.
3. Some time back, I purchased a riotously loud blue tye-dye hooded sweatshirt that would be perfect for a Grateful Dead concert but was less than a hit with the old spouse. None too subtly, I was told to slap the sweatshirt on a catapult and heave it as far as it could travel with the wind at its back.
4. At the Beltane festival of Llyn Hydd Grove, I received a polished stone. The instructions were to throw it into the sea.
MISSIONARY TASKS COMPLETED IN THE NAME OF THE GREAT GENTRY OF SIDHE:
1. During the Faerie Parade, I gave the stuffed toy starfish to an adorable little 3-year-old girl standing on the sidewalk with her parents. I told her it was a gift from her "personal faerie." She hugged the heck out of me, and that's the first toddler hug I've gotten in awhile, my tots being at the "take me to the mall" phase.
The girl's parents thanked me, and I said, "Oh, don't thank me. Thank the fae."
Converts to the True Religion, this sweet young family? Possibly.
2. Next morning, off to visit the mega-church sister. Her soulless subdivision has a neighborhood-wide yard sale every year. I must admit it's a good place to pick up pots and pans, and I got a tablecloth that can be used as faerie wear. The Heir loves yard sales and flea markets, so she was blissfully happy.
Sis treated us to lunch. She had two other guests: her friend and friend's daughter who go to the mega-church. Chillingly, when The Heir asked the girl where she attended high school, the girl said "Faith Christian Academy." FCA is notorious for its Literal Biblical Interpretation Teaching. Meaning you ain't gonna hear the word "Australopithecus" in that educational institution.
After a lengthy lunchtime prayer to Father God, delivered by sis, we tucked into pizza. The FCA girl looked over at me, and guess what I was wearing? The neon blue tie-dyed hoodie! FCA girl says, "Oh, I love your sweatshirt!" And I said, "You do?" I promptly removed it and handed it right over to her. I explained to the bland mom that my husband had asked me to jettison it, and what better way than to give it to someone who will use it?
That FCA teenager was so wordlessly thrilled with the sweatshirt that it filled this druid's heart with love and joy! Perhaps, the shirt having come from Woodstock Trading Company (in sidebar), it will channel the gentle spirit of Jerry Garcia into this girl's life in time to save her from submission to the barking dogma in her school.
3. Last, but not least. On a cloudless and cool mountain morning, with no one else about, I committed my Llyn Hydd Grove pebble to the little dry run branch I'm trying to save, Terrapin Run. (See "Save Terrapin Run" in sidebar)
You might be thinking, "Hey. That's not the ocean. That's a little streambed that's dry in the summer months and barely flowing right now."
O ye of little faith! Do you not know that a little pebble can lie dormant in a dry branch in the mountains, until suddenly a flash flood comes along and rolls the pebble into a bigger stream, and from there another flood carries it to the Potomac, and from there in the fullness of time, it will seek the salt and the world where the water flows uphill.
Patience and the feeling of being connected to the Millennial Rhythms of Nature is a hallmark of some of the most ancient of the bored gods.
A little girl will love faeries because one of them gave her a toy.
A teenaged girl will begin to question the answers because she's suddenly wearing a Jerry Garcia hoodie.
A mountain stream will continue to run, unpolluted, because a believer casts her prayers into it and trusts the Gentry to protect it.
So, Missionary Annie says, spread a little goodness about and see if it sprouts here and there. The stream you save may be your own.
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
On Mission to Appalachia