Saturday, June 24, 2006

Ditch That Heaven Where There Is No Beer

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your polytheistic rest stop on the crowded Turnpike of Life! Stretch your legs! Have a Cinnabon! And don't forget to patronize our God and Goddess Gift Emporium!

Today is one of those fun days when a deity has dropped by for a chat. We always enjoy that. Please give a great big round of applause to Goibhniu, Ancient Celtic God of This and That!

Goibhniu: This and that? Anne. For the love of ducks. Don't be such a wishy-washy whitewasher. I'm the god of steel weaponry, forger of swords, and as a sideline, God of beer.

Anne: I'm no fan of swords. Beer is another matter. Did you have something in particular you wanted to discuss?

Goibhniu: Just an observation. Did you know that your most recent commenter is a big-city journalist with a fascinating column about all things cheery and beery?

Anne: My soul! I had no idea! You mean this guy gets to write about beer all the time?

Goibhniu: I'm a God, and even I'm jealous.

Anne: That makes two of us. I never thought I'd hear of a job more rewarding than goat judging, but I just did.

Goibhniu: He has a web site too. It's here.

Anne: By all that's holy, I say wow-eeee! We here at "The Gods Are Bored" have an official astrologer, but we're sorely in need of an expert on The Liquid Without Which Life Would Be Intolerable.

Goibhniu: What's your favorite brand?

Anne: I like it from the tap. Otherwise, anything goes, even if I have to lap it out of a feed sack.

Goibhniu: I'd like to watch that.

Anne: So, honored deity. There's a song that goes: "In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here." Is that true?

Goibhniu: Depends entirely upon the pantheon you choose to worship. The ancient Egyptians took it with them. And we Celtic deities would never dream of throwing a party without it.

Anne: I guess the best part about drinking in the Afterworld is that you don't need a designated driver.

Goibhniu: Absolutely correct. Although sometimes the pixies get all tangled together and stay that way until they're sobered up.

Anne: So if I were to be a member of the Druid praise and worship team, for instance, I could look forward to a heavenly keg party now and then?

Goibhniu: How could it be heaven without beer?

Anne: Point taken. Thank you, Goibhniu, for joining us today at "The Gods Are Bored!" I'll pray to you the next time I hoist a brimming tankard!

Goibhniu: Just don't drink and drive.

Anne: Spoken like a God who loves and cares for me! All hail Goibhniu, all hail beer!

AREA 14, STAR 14


Hecate said...

Well, when I get to the Summerlands, I hope there's Stoli. Just sayin

Davo said...

Beer came before motor vehicles. Self will get concerned when accused of "Drunk in charge of a pair of feet". heh.

buddy don said...

could search yer pantheon to find me a god whar in heaven thays sangle malt scotch?

Anne Johnson said...

That'd be yer Celts, BD.